


nadisabug's Fictober 2019

by nadisabug



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: I will add as I go bc I am dumb and cannot remember, Komahina - Freeform, M/M, Minor Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko/Pekoyama Peko, Platonic Fuyuhiko & Nagito, Warnings are in notes at the beginning of each chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:40:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 20,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24258292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nadisabug/pseuds/nadisabug
Summary: *This was originally posted on my Tumblr, nadisabug*This is the collection of the Fictober19 prompts that I finished last October. I did not do all of them, but the prompts used are from Tumblr user fictober-event, so you can find the full list there. For this event, I strung all of the prompts together (except for three marked as the "Alone" series) to create one long story, so it can be read as such.Anyways, here is a snippet ;)****Hajime knew this was a terrible idea. He knew that this could only get him in trouble. Ruin the operation. Inevitably end with him alone again.But when he saw Komaeda's face... Saw his beautiful face twisted into a pained grimace as he desperately tried to pick himself off of the ground...Hajime knew very well he was whipped, as Chiaki so fondly coined it. He knew that there was nothing he could do about it either. He could recover after a surgery that tore his entire personality in two, he could merge the two halves of his persona to one, he could lead an entire resistance against the most powerful group in Japan, he could inspire hope in thousands of abused and defeated citizens- but when it came to Komaeda...Fuck was Hajime weak.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 7
Kudos: 61





	1. The Beginings

**Author's Note:**

> So, most of these prompts are apart of one long fic. The three exceptions are Chapter 8: Alone, part one and the subsequent parts of that series (to be updated when they are posted). Otherwise, any other chapter is a part of the series. (The AU indicates this as well, the long series AU is a surprise since it ruins the reveal if you know it beforehand, but the three chapter series is post-simulation)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fictober 2019-Day 1  
> Prompt number: 1 "It will be fun, trust me."  
> Warnings: one allusion to a gun(no use or depiction), other than that none  
> AU: ;) a surprise

"This was a terrible idea," Kuzuyru mumbled. The scarf hiding the lower part of his face obscured most of what he said, but Nagito understood his sentiments.

 **"It will be fun, trust me."** Nagito turned around to flash Kuzuyru a comforting smile, but it just made his brows furrow.

"Trust? You?" Kuzuyru spat and reached over to yank Nagito's hood lower and his scarf up. "The whole reason I'm here is because I don't trust that you won't wander into an open sewer grate. And you need to hide your face!" 

"Ah, you really are too kind," Nagito murmured as Kuzuyru angrily tugged on Nagito's clothing. "You are such a good friend."

Kuzuyru froze and glared at Nagito. "Say that again and I will not hes-"

"I know, I know," Nagito cut him off and gently tried to pry himself out of Kuzuyru's grip. "No one we know is here, though, no professors, so you don't have to worry." Kuzuyru did not lessen his grip, nor let up on his scowl.

Nagito sighed. "Fine, I'm sorry. I won't."

Kuzuyru seemed to be satisfied. "Good," he grunted, resuming his pulling and tucking of garments.

Nagito let him for another minute before he sighed again. "Kuzuryu, no one will recognize me. I never leave the academy, so really, you should be more worried about yourself being recognized."

"Your ugly jacket does fit in very well with the ruins," Kuzuyru said drily.

"See?" Nagito laughed. "So let's go. We're going to miss it if we don't hurry."

Kuzuyru seemed to think for a second, contemplating whether or not he should say something, but it was gone in a second. Kuzuyru's face set itself into its normal scowl and he jammed his hands into his duster, tilting his head so his hat obscured his eyes.

"Great!" Nagito snatched Kuzuyru's elbow and began weaving through the crowd, heading straight for the demonstration platform. Nagito fought his way towards the front, but only managed to get halfway up before the stage lights lit up and a projector began whirring.

At that point, he let go of Kuzuyru to grin up at the raised platform. "Can you believe it?" Nagito gushed, nearly bouncing in anticipation. "A real, live Hope Demonstration! This is going to be amazing!" He glanced down at Kuzuryu to gauge his response, but found that he was looking at his school tablet. Nagito frowned. "Can you not see the stage because-"

"I can see just fine," Kuzuyru snapped, hastily shoving his tablet into his jacket.

Nagito paused. "Was that-"

"You know who it was."

"I'm sor-"

"Don't be."

Nagito waited again. He probably shouldn't say what he was about to, but he knew he had to. "You coul-"

"I know, Nagito." Kuzuyru sent him a very vulnerable look. "But you know what she would have said."

"I'm sorry... Fuyuhiko..."

Fuyuhiko broke their gaze. "I know."

There wasn't anything else Nagito could say. _That's why we're here. She wouldn't understand. You could try to make her though, tell her, just be honest with her._ They had already been through this conversation many times. Fuyuhiko was not going to make a move out of fear that she would only play along because it was what he wanted, and she would continue to fulfill her life mission until the end. That was the main reason Kuzuyru came along. If he could go out and do something by himself, without her protection, maybe she would stop treating him like her boss and start treating him as a partner. Nagito didn't believe it would work, even if they came back safe, but he hadn't the heart to tell his friend.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" A crackling speaker boomed over the crowd. A pre-recorded image of the headmaster appeared on the side of the building, freezing and glitching, thanks to the old and crappy projector. "Please put your hands together for today's featured Ultimate, the Ultimate- the Ultimate- Ult-t-t-t"

The sound glitched and repeated for two seconds too long before the Headmaster went gray-scale and the word "liar" in bold, red lettering flashed over his eyes. At that, the crowd exploded, people began cheering, jumping, and screaming. People around Nagito began murmuring about how lucky they were, how amazing this would be. Then, the stage lights went out.

Nagito glanced down at Kuzuyru. Nagito didn't need to say anything, they both knew something was wrong.

"Chi-The Ultimate Programmer makes these broadcasts, there should be no way for anyone to hijack it," Kuzuyru spoke slowly. Nagito saw him reach for the piece he usually kept by his side, but stop when he remembered that they had left it behind.

"To do so, would have to be pure luck," Nagito mused, a smile on his face.

"Or an insane amount of talent," Kuzuryu asserted. "Luck isn't the answer for everyone, Na-maeda." Kuzuryu grumbled, averting his face after the slip up. Nagito could tell Kuzuyru didn't want to talk about it, so he let it drop. "It's just you who's lucky."

At that, the stage lights went back up, and there on the stage, was a boy. The crowd began screaming again, but he simply raised his hand and they fell silent. Once he was satisifed, the boy began to speak, filling the street with his mesmerizing voice.

"For those of you who do not know," he paused, scanning the crowd. "I am Hajime, the leader of the Reserves."

"I really am lucky," Nagito sighed, beaming up at the stranger.


	2. The Chaos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fictober 2019-Day 2  
> Prompt number: 2 "Just follow me, I know the area."  
> Warnings: depiction of head injury, which could be triggering  
> AU: ;) a surprise  
> 

"What the literal fuck is the Reserves?" Kuzuyruu scoffed under his breath. He sounded pissed off, but Nagito knew better. He was curious, and angry that they didn't know about this. Nagito had only wanted to see the Hope Demonstration, but this, whatever this was, was _so_ much better.

As if the boy was all-knowing, he answered their question. "The Reserves is the group of rebels that oppose Hope's Peak. I know you all have heard whispers of our formation, wondering if anything will change, wondering if anyone will do anything." His voice rose, and Nagito found himself being pulled in. As Hajime, _Hajime_ , spoke, Nagito pressed further into the crowd, deaf too Kuzuyruu's objections.

"I am here, revealing my face and name for the first time, to tell you- I can do nothing." It felt as if the area dropped in temperature, everyone holding their breath. "Not without you. Without you all, I am just one. Without the support of others like me, I am just another Reserve. Without your hope, I have none. I am here to ask you, are you ready to end the despair that has plagued us ever since Hope's Peak took control?"

Nagito stopped pushing forward. As Hajime's eyes glossed over the crowd, it felt as if they stopped on him. Like Hajime was staring right at him. The crowd roared and cheered, but it all sounded so distant to Nagito. There was only this Hajime, this intimidating figure on the stage so very far away from Nagito. His black suit, his mused hair, his everything. Nagito felt like he could stare at him for hours and still not have seen enough of him. The mere second their eyes met felt like an hour, and was ended far too soon by Kuzuyruu yanking on Nagito's arm.

In those next few moments, a lot happened.

Nagito stumbled, falling into an audience member shoving them forward and effectively dipping out of sight of Hajime. An explosion rocked the small square, and multiple canisters of gas spewed gas over the entire audience and stage. At that, Hope's Peak security guards began to repel down the sides of the surrounding buildings, presumably under an Ultimate's order.

"We need to leave, now," Kuzuyruu growled, his head tipped low. Nagito opened his mouth to fight but closed it after Kuzuyruu glared at him. He nodded once and allowed Kuzuyruu to drag him through the now panicked mob.

Nagito looked back the entire time, aware that he would not be able to see him, but still unable to not attempt it.

They were at the edge of the smoke when Kuzuyruu stopped abruptly, Nagito crashing into his back as a result. Nagito turned around to see what was the matter, and winced when he did.

Pekoyama stood roughly 20 feet in front of them, her face cold and unreadable. Well, unreadable to Nagito only. The trio stood still, Nagito not daring to move in fear of shattering the delicate situation. Kuzuyruu dropped Nagito's arm and took a step forward. All at once, the world began moving again. Pekoyama spun on her heel and began to walk away. Kuzuyruu shouted her name, her _first_ name, and began running after her. Nagito stepped forward to follow suit, but a stranger rammed right into him, knocking him onto the floor. On his fall, Nagito's head slammed into the crooked asphalt. _Just my luck..._

Nagito's vision faded. His head pulsed to the beat of his heart and his arms buzzed. He let out a whoosh of air, curled in on himself, and did not inhale. It felt as if he was underwater; he didn't know which way was up, how to move, how to breathe, how to hear, how to see. He wasn't sure of anything. Were his eyes closed? Or could he not see? Was he bleeding? Or was that just the heat from his injury?

He gasped for air and everything became a bit clearer. He could dully hear the chaos surrounding him, faint yells and muffled crashes. His vision was still clouded, from the smoke or his fall, Nagito was unable to tell. He rolled onto his stomach and tried to worm his arms under himself in order to stand up. He managed to get up onto his hands and knees, but a wave of nausea and dizziness slammed into him and threw him back onto the asphalt. Everything felt so loud and so crushing. Nagito couldn't move, he couldn't get enough air, he couldn't see all he could do-

Nagito became weightless. In mere seconds, he was off the painful, cold asphalt and in a strong, warm embrace. Someone had picked him up. Stood him up, rather. Nagito leaned into them gratefully, too pained and scared to care who his savior was.

A hot breath dipped into his neck, and Nagito shivered. The words were whispered right into Nagito's ear, he could _feel_ the puffs of air from each word. The voice was low and breathy, but Nagito heard each velvet syllable clearly. In that moment, whether it was because Nagito was delirious from the fall, oxygen starved because of the thick smoke, or high off of the heat of being close to another person for the first time in _god knows when_ , it didn't matter whatever the voice said, Nagito would do it without question. He would as happily walk off the edge of a cliff as instructed as he would fall into this person's arms.

"Follow me, I know the area."

Nagito physically could not respond. Instead, he nodded his head, wincing afterwards as a wave of pain washed over his skull at the slight movement. With that, the stranger let go of Nagito's torso - much to Nagito's dismay - and began to pull him in a direction. Nagito willed his feet to move, and stumbled after the person best he could. He found himself tripping and pulling on their arm as his feet clumsily plodded behind the stranger. He did his best to keep up, but he couldn't see and he couldn't breathe and he couldn't hear anything but the echo of the sweet voice in his right ear over, and over, and over again.

As suddenly as they started, they stopped again. Nagito bumped into his savior and numbly tried to apologize. He wasn't sure if his savior did not hear him or if his savior did not care because they did not respond with words. Once again Nagito was weightless, but this time, his feet did not touch the ground again. Through padded senses, Nagito felt them begin moving again. Now able to relax, now feeling safe, Nagito let himself slip into unconsciousness.


	3. Weak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fictober 2019-Day 3  
> Prompt number: 3 "Now? Now you listen to me."  
> Warnings: none  
> AU: ;) a surprise  
> 

Hajime knew this was a terrible idea. He knew that this could only get him in trouble. Ruin the operation. Inevitably end with him alone again.

But when he saw Komaeda's face... Saw his beautiful face twisted into a pained grimace as he desperately tried to pick himself off of the ground...

Hajime knew very well he was whipped, as Chiaki so fondly coined it. He knew that there was nothing he could do about it either. He could recover after a surgery that tore his entire personality in two, he could merge the two halves of his persona to one, he could lead an entire resistance against the most powerful group in Japan, he could inspire hope in thousands of abused and defeated citizens- but when it came to Komaeda...

 _Fuck_ was Hajime weak.

Hajime did his best to ignore the fact that he was carrying Komaeda in his arms. He also ignored the fact that Komaeda was curling into Hajime’s chest. How long has it been since he had even _seen_ Komaeda? He let himself think about the answer, as if he didn't already know it.

Half a year. Six months. 158 days.

He tried to focus on getting out of the chaos. But with Komaeda so _goddamn close_ to him - Hajime could smell his shampoo, the same one he always used- it was essentially a moot point. Hajime had two years of high school, before all this happened, to come to terms with the fact that he loved Komaeda with every fiber of his being. He still hated saying it aloud, though, but that was for a different reason. A Komaeda-could-never-love-a-useless-reserve-course-student-like-me reason.

As if the world did not care about Hajime’s shitty life, the scene around him was still in a frenzy. His entire speech had gone to shit after the Ultimates came and crashed it, presumably Komaeda's fault. Hajime wouldn't put it past Hope's Peak to implant trackers in all of their precious Ultimates. But after that, Chiaki had instructed him to return to the base immediately. She had told him not to go alone, but Hajime refused to let anyone else come for this exact reason. Their compromise was the earpiece Hajime threw on the ground after he saw Komaeda on the ground.

Suffice to say Chiaki would be pissed.

Hajime knew his lungs should have been aching at this point, he had been running full speed carrying another person for quite some time, but he didn't feel it. The adrenaline and a little bit of something else buzzed through him, making it so the only thing he could think about was the boy in his arms.

He really was trying to focus on getting back to the base. The most he could manage was not looking down at Komaeda. _Komaeda._

_Komaeda Komaeda Komaeda Komae-_

Hajime was standing in front of the entrance. Well, he was standing in front of the side entrance of an office building. Hajime, Chiaki, and the other members of his reserve course had taken it over when they had all left Hope's Peak. It was nice, it fit everyone and kept them hidden, even though some people had to double up on rooms.

Hajime wasn't sure how long he waited. His whole body felt uncomfortably hot, and everything felt so unreal. Everything had happened so fast that Hajime wasn't sure what happened at all.

The only tangible thing was Komaeda.

The door swung open, but the posted guard was not there. It was Chiaki. Her face was set in stone, her mouth open to yell, but paused when she saw who was with him. Surprise flashed across her face, an unspoken question for Hajime. _He was there? How? Why?_ When Hajime did not respond, she understood and settled back into her neutral expression.

Chiaki didn't say a word as she stepped to the side. She knew better.

Hajime gave her a small nod and began to walk into the haven he created.

"Is that an Ultimate?" Hajime had not even adjusted to the dim lighting of the building when someone spoke up. Hajime glanced over to the source of the voice and saw one of his classmates. He was the one scheduled to guard the door while Hajime was at the Demonstration. Chiaki had probably sent her away to greet Hajime herself, but she had obviously not gone far.

"Don't." Chiaki's voice was stern, and the threat was very clear. The girl's question was rhetorical. She knew who Hajime was carrying into their base. Everyone in the Reserve Course knew.

"Don't what?" The girl stammered at first but found her voice after she had committed. "Don't ask questions? Don't just blindly obey? That's why we left in the-"

Hajime fixed her with a glare. As soon as she met his eyes, her words died in her throat. She closed her mouth slowly and shifted uncomfortably. Hajime waited until his dominance was very clear. That he was the boss and that there would be no questions. After the seconds stretched out and the girl’s eyes were cast down, he turned and began walking away from her.

He head straight for their makeshift Urgent Care and walked inside.

Tamaki was sitting in a chair reading a book when Hajime walked in. Upon his arrival, she held up her hand, signalling for him to wait. He paused in front of one of their two beds, waiting for approval. She slowly placed a tattered bookmark in the textbook she was reading and set it on the desk beside her.

"Alright Hajime, let's see what you-" She stopped short when she saw the figure in Hajime's arms. He face bleached and she scrambled over. "Is that- _oh my god_ , Hajime what the _fuck_?"

"What do I do?" Hajime's voice sounded weaker than he wanted.

Tamaki barked out a laugh. "What? **Now? Now you want to listen to me?** " She looked up at Hajime with half a smile and half disbelief. "When I told you that you needed rest after you fractured your tibia you didn't listen then? Or when I told you that giving you rations to others was malnourishing yourself? When I told you not to go out today because I heard that Hope's Peak was experimenting with biological crowd control and that you being there was too much of a risk if they did anything?"

Hajime waited until she paused in her rant. He didn't have the strength to cut her off. "This is different."

Tamaki pursed her lips. She thought for a second, opened her mouth to say something, then thought better of it.

_She knew_. 

Everyone knew.

"Lay Komaeda down. You can help if you do everything I say and do not get in my way."

Hajime nodded. Then they got to work.


	4. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fictober 2019-Day 4  
> Prompt number: 4 "I know you didn't ask for this."  
> Warnings: angsty, other than that, none  
> AU: ;) a surprise  
> 

Komaeda had a concussion, a high fever, the tail ends of pneumonia, and a small laceration on his head.

Despite that, he was laying on the makeshift bed looking as perfect as ever. His high cheekbones and sharp chin made him look regal, even though he was laying on a thick comforter on a desk wearing nothing but the gown Tamaki changed him into. Hajime pointedly looked away while that happened, refusing to leave the room even for a second. His soft, fluffy, white hair framed his head, spread out over the pillow. While his eyes were closed, Hajime could still see them in his mind. The warm, green gaze that shook him to his core.

After Tamaki had done all she could do, she left Hajime alone in the room with the sleeping patient. He settled into a worn desk chair next to the bed and promptly forgot about the rest of the world. At some point, Tamaki had come back in, citing Hajime's need to eat as her reason, and dropping off some rations. He did not touch them.

Other than that, Hajime was left alone.

"I missed you," Hajime finally spoke, his voice hoarse and weak from disuse. "I know... I know you haven't missed me. And that's okay but I-"

Hajime stopped to swallow the emotions rising in his throat. "You know, I half expected Chiaki to storm in here by now." Hajime chuckled weakly. He glanced down at his hands as he wrung them. "She was so upset. Tamaki ha- oh, you don't know her. She's one of the girls who used to be in my class. You might know her sister, she's um, gosh it starts with an m..."

Hajime looked up at the ceiling as if Tamaki's sister's name was up there. "Last name is same as Tamaki... Tsumiki... Tsumiki... Oh! Got it, Mikan. Tsumiki Mikan. The Ultimate Nurse, if you want to go with her title."

Hajime looked to Komaeda, expecting some sort of confirmation that he recognized her. Instead he kept snoring lightly.

"Well, anyway," Hajime licked his lips, feeling himself redden in embarrassment. "She had, um, heard from her doctor friends that Hope's Peak had been dumping some stuff on citizens, making them act weird. They'd get this really high fever and just completely lose it. Their entire personality would flip. Had to be some sort of delirium." Hajime paused, then shook his head. "Whatever. The point is that they've been doing some sketchy stuff and Tamaki told Chiaki. Chiaki wasn't too happy about that and told me that I couldn't do my debut until they had figured out what was going on. We had been hijacking the programs for some time now, but I had never, you know, like appeared. This was my first time, so I wasn't about to back down. The citizens needed me; the broadcasts were just not cutting it. So I told her I was doing it anyway, danger or no. She only let me because it was supposed to be a small one, since attendance at the Hope Demonstrations have been decreasing at a steady rate- you probably know that though- and there shouldn't have been any risk. Still, she hated the idea, so the chances of me actually going were so very slim. But I did. And the chances of you being there were so, _so_ small."

Hajime smiled at Komaeda. "But you just so happened to be there." He chuckled and reached out to push a strand of hair behind Komaeda's ear. "You always had such great luck..." Hajime's hand lingered longer than it should have. He just let it hover there, basking in the warmth of Komaeda's feverish face. Hajime's fingers were just a hair from touching Komaeda's cheek, if he so much as-

Komaeda shifted in his sleep. Hajime yanked his hand back as if he had been burned. He cradled it in his lap, frowning down at it.

"Ch-chiaki would normally have yelled at me by now," Hajime stuttered, forging through. "But she hasn't. And it's because of you." Hajime spared a glance at Komaeda to ensure he was still sleeping. He was. Hajime looked back down at his hand. "She knows... What you mean to me..."

Hajime shifted in his chair. "Everyone here treats me like I'm a hero. It's not enough that they elected me as their leader, but they treat me like I'm a... like a..." _like I'm an Ultimate_. "Like I'm special or something. Like I'm strong. Like I'm smart or good at something or important in some way. Like I'm their hero."

Hajime shook his head. "I'm not though. They think that I'm the one who was strong enough to oppose Hope's Peak. That Kamakura was a disease that I fought and overcame. None of it is true. You are the only reason I got through it. Your disapproval of me when I was..." Hajime's voice caught and all he saw were flashes of red, white, and black fabric and blonde hair. "Lost... _That_ was how I got the strength to pull myself together. If I hadn't... If Kamakura hadn't ran into you that day, he would have gone through with _her_ plan. But instead... I emerged... And now I'm here."

Hajime frowned. "They think I'm their last hope, but really I'm nothing without y-"

Hajime froze. During his last sentence he went to look at Komaeda again, to see if he was asleep or to just look at him Hajime did not know.

But what he did know was that Komaeda was _not_ asleep.

Hajime fumbled out of his chair, standing up in his haste to back away.

"I uh, I um, uh," Hajime sputtered, trying to find the words that were coming so naturally moments before.

"I don't want to hear your stupid voice," Komaeda snapped.

Hajime closed his mouth. _What_.

Komaeda struggled to sit up, but only managed to scoot up a bit higher on the pillows. Once he gave up, he turned and looked at Hajime.

"Why are you here? I don't want you here. I don't want to see you or hear you."

Oh god. Everything in Hajime deflated. He remembers me. Hajime thought he had forgotten since the last time he saw him he... _fuck_.

"Why am I here?" Komaeda continued, his sweet voice twisted with fever and malice. Komaeda's voice, the voice that Hajime had missed so much, had that steely edge that Hajime knew all-too-well and Hajime hurt so bad. "Why am I not at the school?"

"I'm sorry," Hajime blurted. " **I know you didn't ask for this**. Any of this. I picked you up and shouldn't have and I am so sorry."

Hajime risked looking at Komaeda when he did not hear him respond. Komaeda's face was twisted with confusion, and Hajime didn't know what to make of this.

"I did not wanted to be rescued by you," Komaeda spit, venom palpable in his voice.

Hajime did not know what to say. He looked down at the ground, and took a tentative step back. He knew this would happen, he knew Komaeda would remember him and hate him because of it and never want to see him there was no way he could ever talk to Komaeda or even get close to him he was so stupid-

"Hey," Komaeda barked, his voice crackling with the mucous in his lungs. Hajime met his eyes. They were their usual green, but there was a coldness to them, a darkness, a black tint that sent electricity shooting through Hajime. "Get out. I don't want to be near you."

Hajime couldn't respond. So he nodded and turned around. Then he walked out of the door. He shut it softly behind him, like if it made a sound everything that was Hajime would shatter, and leaned up against it. Clutching it. He wasn't sure if he could stand on his own.

Hajime knew damn well it was going to be like this. He didn't expect anything different. He knew Komaeda would remember and hate him or find out what he supported and hate him or reject Hajime...

He knew all of this.

So why did he feel so _broken_?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Tamaki Tsumiki is a character I created. She was in the same Reserve course class as Hajime and has minor nursing skills as a result of living with her sister as a child, but wants to be a surgeon. Unfortunately, she was not deemed as an Ultimate in that area, so she was stuck in the Reserve course.*


	5. The Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fictober 2019- Day 5  
> Prompt number: 5 "I might just kiss you."  
> Warnings: none  
> AU: ;) a surprise

Hajime stalled in the classroom after class finished. He returned all of his supplies to his bag slowly, deliberately. He waited until everyone else in the classroom left, and then the hallway became empty. Then he waited some more. Once there was no possible way anyone would still be in the Reserve building, he set out.

He skipped down the stairs all the way to the first floor, jumping down to each landing. The sound of his shoes tapping then thudding as he practically ran down the stairs echoed in the empty building. When he finally made it to the first floor, he ducked into the first male bathroom he saw. He listened for a moment to make sure no one was in there as well and tossed his backpack on the sink counter when he deemed it safe. He quickly shed his blazer, folding it haphazardly, and jamming it into the large pocket in his backpack. Before he zipped up the backpack, he pulled his school tie off and switched it out for his favorite one. It was already knotted, so Hajime just slipped it over his head. Next, he untucked his button up from his pants and did his best to smooth out the wrinkles. When Hajime was satisfied, he threw his bag over his shoulder and exited the bathroom. Hajime took a side exit to get to the back of the building, all the way looking around, worried that anyone would be following him.

When he finally rounded the corner, he caught a glimpse of fluffy white hair. At the sound of Hajime's footsteps, the boy looked up and beamed at Hajime.

"Hinata-kun!" Komaeda smiled. "You changed! You look so good out of that lousy uniform."

Hajime felt his heart stutter and his stomach lurch.

He averted his face and scoffed to play off his embarrassment, but thought bitterly in his head. I must not look good with the uniform on because it reminds him I am just a Reserve Course student.

Hajime attempted to shake the thought from his head and cleared his throat. "Yeah, I just figured you wouldn't want-" _other people to see you with a Reserve Course student_ "me to feel uncomfortable, since I am doing you a favor and all."

"Of course, I really do appreciate you taking time out of your day to walk with me. There are so many other things you could be doing, like studying or- Oh!" Komaeda rushed up to Hajime, closer than Hajime would have liked. "Did your grades come in?"

_Of course, he only cares about the scores, not me. I have to do well to earn his time._ "Yeah." Hajime swallowed his disappointment and pulled out his latest exam. "Here."

Komaeda gave Hajime a funny look when Hajime held it out to him. "I don't wanna see it. I just wanna know how well you did." Komaeda grinned. "I know you did great-"

"I did fine." Hajime shoved the test back into his bag. "Not great, though."

"Oh," Komaeda's face fell. "So you won't be telling your parents?"

Hajime shrugged. "Probably not."

"That's alright," Komaeda regained his smile in a matter of seconds. "There's always next time." He paused. "Ready to go?"

Hajime nodded.

They set out together, walking along the side of the street. Hajime didn't say much; he just listened to the sound of Komaeda's voice. He was talking about how great class went today, despite a few hiccups on Komaeda's part. He griped about how his afternoons were becoming worse, his luck going on rampage in the hours he spent away from Hajime. Komaeda was going through how he had bumped into a classmate and spilled their lunch all over them. The fiasco had ended with Komaeda having to pay for their dry cleaning and having nothing to eat.

"You could eat lunch with me," Hajime said mindlessly. He wasn't really thinking about the words that came out, more focused on how to fix Komaeda's issue. He knew that Komaeda believed Hajime's presence lessened the chances of Komaeda having bad luck, and just voiced the idea aloud.

As soon as he said it, though, he immediately regretted it. Komaeda stopped walking and Hajime turned around to face him.

"Sorry no, that's a t-"

"Would you be okay with that?"

Hajime's apology died in his throat.

_I'd be okay with anything, anything you wanted to do, anything is okay as long as it's you._ "Yeah."

"Really? That's amazing Hinata-kun!" Komaeda gushed, stepping forward to meet Hajime. "That way I wouldn't have to go so long without seeing you, so I won't have really bad afternoon luck! I'm so grateful you'd do that for someone like me, I could kiss you! You'd offer to bear the brunt of all my luck for me, who doesn't even deserve it, **I might just kiss you** -"

"No!" Hajime took a step away. He jammed his hands in his pockets and turned to face the road, away from Komaeda. "It wouldn't work. The different buildings. I'm not allowed in your building, and I wouldn't want you to have to walk over." Hajime paused to clear his throat. "It won't work."

"But-"

"We can't be seen together at school, Komaeda," Hajime snapped bitterly. "You know that. So stop it."

Hajime couldn't bring himself to look at Komaeda's expression. He just kept staring at the road, feeling the weight of Komaeda's eyes on his face, his entire body burning and twisting in pain.

"Alright," Komaeda spoke softly after a while. "I understand."

They stood there for a bit longer. Neither of them made a move.

"Are... Are you alright Hajime? You've been acting really weird for a couple weeks-"

"I'm fine." Hajime's heart lurched when Komaeda said his first name.

"It feels like something is bothering-"

"Nothing is."

Hajime waited for Komaeda to try again. When the seconds stretched into minutes, he finally looked up and met Komaeda's eyes. Komaeda was frowning at him, his eyes cold.

He wanted to tell Komaeda that he had been asked last Wednesday to be apart of an experiment. An experiment that would make it so that he could always be with him. Give him a talent. An Ultimate. That he said he would think about it and now he felt like he had his answer.

"I'm fine... Nagito," Hajime said softly. "I'm sorry that I can't be around enough."

Komaeda seemed to accept the answer, because he allowed a small smile to work its way into his face. "That's okay. I wish you could be around more too."

Hajime walked Komaeda to his house, watching him go inside before he turned to walk to his own place. On the way there, he pulled out his phone and dialed the number scrawled on a scrap of paper that had been hidden in his trouser pocket.

Once the person on the other end picked up, he did not wait for a greeting.

"I'll do it."

The line was silent for a second.

"Perfect," a gravelly old voice murmured. "Testing begins tomorrow. We will retrieve you."

Then the line went dead.


	6. Sick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fictober 2019-Day 6  
> Prompt number: 6 "Yes, I’m aware. Your point?"  
> Warnings: none  
> AU: ;) a surprise  
> 

"Well, he's got it," Tamaki sighed. Hajime did not notice her walking out of the door and up to his spot on the wall until she spoke. He looked up to find her face twisted, as if she were judging him.

"Got what?" Hajime grunted. He was in a _terrible_ mood and had neither the time nor the patience for whatever Tamaki was upset about.

"You look so..." she used her hand to gesture to him. He was leaning up against the wall, his arms crossed in front of him. "Emo." Hajime did not budge. "Seriously, all you need is some black eyeliner and-"

"Tamaki."

Tamaki's face fell. She sighed and turned her attention to a strand of hair falling into her eyes. She tucked into herself, slouching, tugging at it and pulling her body in with her other arm. "You're not g-"

"Tsumiki. Now."

Tamaki flinched at the use of her last name. She squeezed her eyes shut and let out a small breath.

"He has Despair Disease."

Hajime blinked.

Tamaki waited for him to respond, all the while avoiding his gaze. When he finally managed to catch her gaze, she scoffed at him. She dropped the strand of hair and popped out her hip and arm, starting to unfold.

"Are you kidding Hajime?" She searched his face, eyes darting over his guarded expression. "You're not." She shook her head, catching her forehead with her extended arm. She didn't pause long, presumably because she could tell Hajime wasn't in the greatest moods. "The sickness? Hope's Peak has been doing-"

"Will he be okay?" Hajime knew his eyes must have looked frantic, that she had to sense how desperate he was. He couldn't bring himself to care.

"I don't know." Tamaki spoke softly. It was like Hajime was some sort of trapped animal, cornered and viscous, and if she made one wrong move, he would bite. "Hajime, my colleagues haven't been able to find a cure but-"

"What's wrong with him?" Hajime's voice cracked and splintered, reflecting what was happening inside him.

"So far, it should just be the fever and his primary symptom. Komaeda has a weak immune system, though, he's going to be much weaker when he's sick than a normal person. More prone to other infections. But, all of the other cases, so far, they have not been severely hurt or had any lasting damage."

Hajime took a deep breath. He was trying _very_ hard to listen to Tamaki, take in her words. They were important. "Primary symptom," Hajime blurted. Tamaki gave him a blank stare; he must have cut her off or something. "Explain."

"Oh. Yeah." Tamaki paused for a moment to think. Hajime resisted the urge to tell her to hurry up. "That's the thing about this... sickness. It comes with a Primary Symptom unique to each patient. All of them so far have been hard on loved ones, so that's how it got its name. Despair Disease."

"Tsumiki, I want to know what he has. I will worry about everyone else later."

Tamaki frowned. "Geez, I get who it is, but if you call me that one more-"

"I'm sorry." Hajime sighed. "Please. I'm trying."

Tamaki nodded. "Lying. Liar's Disease. Everything he says is a lie."

Hajime tried to register the new information. It didn't click. "Okay," he started slowly. "What can we do?"

"My colleagues already recommended 24 hour supervision, but I figured you'd do that anyway."

Hajime shook his head. "I'm not going back in."

Tamaki frowned. "Why not? He's been ask-"

"I'm not." _I can't._

Tamaki sighed, and folded back into herself. "So am I to assume that I will-"

"Yes, either you or Chiaki. No one else."

She nodded and ran her hand through her hair. "Okay, you know where I'll be. I will let you know if I find anything else out."

Hajime nodded and watched her go back into the room. He stared at the shut door until a soft voice startled him out of his thoughts.

"You know they did this to him, right?"

Hajime sighed and turned to face Chiaki. She was fiddling with on of her hoodie strings, avoiding his gaze. To anyone else, it would look like she was nervous, maybe even apprehensive, to speak to Hajime. But he knew better. She was speaking softly for his sake.

" **Yes, I’m aware. Your point?** " Hajime tried to dull the sharp edge of his words, but they still came out harsh.

Chiaki met his eyes for a brief moment. "Hajime, try to let go for a second and think about it."

"Let go? Let go?" Hajime scoffed, throwing his arms up. "They took his fucking _memories_ of me! Just to spite me! They hurt him just to get at me! What do you mean let go? Let go of what part? All I can think about is me making a goddamn fool of myself just to find that Hope's Peak, yet again, was one step ahead of me! I don't want to think about it!"

Hajime knew he was yelling loud enough for everyone to hear. He knew. But he didn't lower his voice.

Chiaki sighed. "I know you're not over it, and I know you won't for a long time, but you have a responsibility-"

"A responsibility I didn't want! Why do I have to be the one to stand against Hope's Peak? Why? Why me?"

"You're the only one-"

"Bullshit!" Hajime was panting with effort, heaving as he held back sobs. "I can't do shit, I never have. I've always never been enough, my entire life I've never been enough-"

"Hajime."

"-because I am nothing I don't even have a-"

"Hajime!" Chiaki yelled and stepped forward. She snatched his tie and yanked him to her level with it. "Get yourself together!"

Hajime fumed, but let her reign him in. He snatched his tie back, and calmed himself down as he tucked it back into his suit jacket.

Chiaki gave him a moment. Once it seemed as if he had calmed down enough, she finally revealed to him the reason she brought any of this up in the first place.

"He should stay."


	7. Alone Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fictober19-Day 7  
> Prompt number: 7 "No, and that's final."   
> Warnings: none   
> AU: ;) a surprise

"He should stay."

Hajime didn't know what to think.

He should stay? As in... be here... forever? Stay with Hajime? Hajime would get to see him every day, his laugh, his smile, his hair, his everything...

He would also get reminded every single day that Komaeda forgot him. That Hope's Peak erased Hajime from his mind.

**"No, and that's final."**

Hajime turned and began to walk back to his office.

"Hajime!" Chiaki called after him, anger clouding her normally sweet voice. "You aren't even going to-"

"No, Nanami. I will not and cannot hear you out," Hajime's words were sharp, and he refused to stop walking.

"Hajime, he's sick, and you know they did this to him."

"They do everything, I think I've gotten that by now."

"They did this to him so that you would be crushed, that if you managed to find him and take him, your spirit would die. They know what he means to you and if you keep him-"

Hajime stopped walking and whirled on Chiaki. He stepped right up to her. "You have _no idea_ what he means to me." He paused, giving it a moment to sink in. "No one does."

Chiaki's eyes narrowed and he voice grew colder. "You're very right Hajime. No one does know. Not even Komae-"

"Don't." Hajime growled.

They glared at each other for a long time. Neither of them wanted to back down.

Eventually, Chiaki sighed, as normal for her. She always was the bigger person. She began to slouch and flipped her hoodie up. An olive branch.

"I know what you're trying to do Chiaki, and I do appreciate it. I've already made idiotic decisions for him, you're worried. You have every right to be."

Chiaki nodded. Hajime didn't have to say it. He had never directly told her that he did the experiment for Komaeda, but honestly, it didn't take a genius. Even Hajime could admit that.

"But I have thought about this. I know its only to fuck with me, and _believe_ me, it has. But I will not allow him to be here while I lead this revolution. I will not risk it. He will be safer there, because in the end, he is one of their Ultimates. They would never lose them. Especially not him."

Chiaki scoffed.

"What?" Hajime snapped. "I'm not saying that they gave you up easy, they thought I kil-"

"No, no, I know." Chiaki waved him off. "Its just... you think they care about him?" She looked up at Hajime, eyes cold.

"No I-"

"Well you seem to believe that they will take care of him while you are stirring up trouble, Hinata." Chiaki's voice was hard. Hajime couldn't bring himself to speak up in her pause. "Especially when everyone and their cousin knows that he is your weakness. You will do anything for that boy, anything, without even thinking for a second. You think you are, but you're not."

"He is an _Ultimate_ ," Hajime asserted through gritted teeth.

Chiaki shook her head. "An Ultimate more useful dead than alive will be let go, we both know that."

"He is n-"

"Hajime, just because you think he's some sort of angel sent by god, does not mean everyone thinks that. Most people find him completely insufferable! Not everyone thinks he's even a smidgen likable."

"But..." Hajime blinked. "They... don't?"

Chiaki groaned.

"Listen Hajime, you need to give me a better reason to send him away if-"

"You said the only way he would be in danger were if they believed I still... that he matters to me, right?" Chiaki stared at Hajime blankly.

"Yes but-"

"Then convince him I hate him. Soon as the fever breaks, you will escort him out."

Chiaki watched as Hajime walked away and locked himself in his room. Alone. Again.


	8. Alone, part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fictober19-Day 8  
> Prompt number: 8 “Can you stay?”  
> Warnings: Graphic depictions of injuries  
> AU: post-simulation  
> A/N: This is not apart of the long Fictober series, this and two other chapters are a separate timeline/AU.

Pain.

All Nagito felt was pain.

Waves of adrenaline washed over him, stinging and burning, leaving a dull buzz in it’s wake. The uneasy feeling of his skin not being in a single piece - the knowledge that there was a hole in him - made his head spin. He felt as if he were freezing, cold cement beneath him biting at his tender flesh, and burning at the same time. The warm blood soaking his clothes, dripping down his body, pooling in his palms, felt _wrong_. It irritated Nagito, the thick, warm goo itched his skin. He felt the overwhelming need to wipe it off, just scrub it off of him, and close his wounds so they wouldn’t weep anymore.

But he didn’t. He allowed it to happen, he allowed himself to freeze and burn and itch, he allowed himself to wallow in complete and utter misery. In despair. He deserved it. He was useless, worthless, nothing. He didn’t matter, the only thing he did in this world was fuck everything up - that much was apparent by now. The only contribution he could possibly make would be sacrificing himself in order for hope to prevail. It was probably the only good thing he had done in his life.

But that didn’t mean he should enjoy it, or even feel good about it. He deserved to be as miserable as possible in his last few moments, miserable, in agony, and utterly alone. Nagito felt the tendrils of a burning steam lick at his hand. It traveled up his arm, caressing his gaping wounds, stroking his chin, before delving into his nostrils. He involuntarily gasped, sucking the tape covering his mouth in, and creating a wheezing snort from his nose. The warm fog filled his lungs, coating them, covering them. It felt like he had inhaled tar, and the sticky substance clung to the inside of him. He hyperventilated, forcing short puffs of air out in an involuntary and desperate attempt to expel the offending fog, and consequently pulling more in with each frantic inhale. His mind grew fuzzy and his vision began to darken as the lack of oxygen finally began to take hold. His limbs weakened, and he tightened his grip on the cord he was holding. He couldn’t let go, he couldn’t. If he let go everything would be ruined, pointless, all his fault. He had to keep holding on he couldn’t let go. Nagito looked over to his hand, checking to make sure it was in his hand. But… it wasn’t… Not just the rope…

He didn’t have a hand. Komaeda tried to scream, but nothing came out. His chest started heaving as his mind started to clear, focusing solely on the missing limb. It was oozing thick blood and Nagito was sure he saw the flash of white bone. He just kept trying to scream but he couldn’t he was breathing but he was not speaking he couldn’t call for help no one would come-

"Komaeda!” Nagito’s world tilted and spun, his was sitting up, but there was still blood all over him and he couldn’t breathe and he couldn’t scream- “Nagito!” Calloused hands captured Nagito’s face in a firm hold. Suddenly, all Nagito could see was green and red and green and red and green and red and for some reason someone was screaming but he didnt- “Nagito, look at me, I am right here. It’s me, Hajime. I’m Hajime. You’re okay, I’ve got you.”

Nagito’s eyes focused. _Oh_. Hinata-kun was here. He had come. He… saved… Nagito…

Nagito stopped screaming. He blinked. Hinata was still there. He blinked again. Hinata was there.

Hajime was there.

Nagito opened his mouth to express his gratitude, to play off his sweat-soaked sheets, tear-stained face, and voice torn by screams. He opened his mouth to apologize. Say something eloquent.

All that came out was a broken sob.

Nagito’s eyes stung and his throat closed, sobs rising from his constricted chest.

Hinata’s eyes softened, losing their frantic, worried edge, and he loosened his grip on Nagito’s face. One of his hands slipped behind Nagito’s back, and suddenly Nagito was in his lap.

He was startled, Nagito tried to push away, insist that he was fine. But Hinata spoke.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m here now.”

Nagito sobbed. He clutched Hinata’s shirt, balling it in his _one_ fist, digging his _stump_ into Hinata’s chest. It was still raw and healing, only just getting over the nasty infection, but Nagito jammed it into Hinata. He needed to, he needed it to be grounded, to be gone, for _her_ to be gone. He wanted it to grow back, just appear like new, like it had never happened. Just more ugly, pale, skinny Nagito. That would be better, anything would be better than the empty space, the memory of the utter despair he went through.

But there was nothing he could do to change that.

So he cried.

He cried until he couldn’t anymore and there was nothing left to cry about. He cried until he stopped. It was slow, a new sob rising every minute or two, growing more and more apart. He cried until he began to feel Hinata’s hand on his back, rubbing circles, pressing Nagito further into Hinata’s chest. He felt the warmth radiating from Hinata and couldn’t help but wonder just how long it had been since he had been _this close_ to someone. He cried until he realized Hinata’s hand was in his hair, combing through it, caressing his scalp. Nagito thought for a moment that his diminishing headache could be due to the comfort provided by Hinata’s hand, but he could neither confirm nor deny it.

And then it was silent.

Nagito felt so secure and warm and safe and so, _so very_ tired. He felt himself begin to drift off, closing his eyes just for a moment-

Hinata moved.

“Wait!” Nagito’s head shot up, a lightning bolt of pain arching across it at the harsh movement. His vision blurred, he clutched Hinata’s shirt again, and his entire body is tense. “Please! Don’t… don’t…” _please don’t go_

Hinata did not respond for quite some time. It was long enough for the pain in Nagito’s head to soften to a dull ache and his vision to clear and focus on Hinata’s face. He was stoic, as always, expression carved in fine granite. Magnificent. Always. He always was.

The silence worried Nagito. Of course Hinata would say no, Nagito knew he did not deserve any of… whatever _this_ was. But, whether it was because he felt like he could not backtrack or because he needed it _that_ bad, he spoke again.

**“Can you stay?”**

Nagito’s whole world froze for a moment. He stopped breathing, his heart stopped beating, he stopped thinking. Everything was in this small moment, everything rode on this. This could change everything. Nagito knew it was risky. He knew it was stupid. He knew Hinata would say no because Nagito was terrible, just terrible the worst human being he didn’t des-

“For as long as you need me.”

Nagito almost started crying again.

Hinata said it so… simply. Like this wasn’t the most important thing Nagito had ever been told. It held so much, a promise, a commitment, an understanding. It meant so much. Nagito felt like he had to say something, he _had_ to. It was just… too much for him not to.

He opened his mouth and an echo of a sob came out. His face burned and he looked down at his ~~hands~~ hand and stump. He couldn’t meet Hinata’s eyes. He opened his mouth again to explain himself, to apologize, to beg for forgiveness, to beg Hinata to not take it back and leave Nagito all _alone_ again…

“Nagito, you don’t need to say it,” Hinata finally spoke, voice velvet and warm. Nagito felt Hinata brush a strand of hair behind his ear and reddened in response. “I know.”

At that, Hinata laid down on the bed, pulling Nagito with him. Hinata pulled the blanket over the both of them, pressing Nagito into his side.

“Sleep.” Hinata ordered softly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Nagito’s final thought before sleep claimed him was an answer.

_I hope you never do._


	9. Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fictober 2019-Day 9  
> Prompt number: 9 "There is a certain taste to it."  
> Warnings: none  
> AU: ;) a surprise  
> A/N: This is back to the "surprise AU"/longer series.

The ride was quiet.

Komaeda was still very out of it, but Tamaki had cleared him to leave. Chiaki and her had figured that he wouldn't get better until they got him back to the school anyway. Chiaki had noted a significant improvement the longer Hajime was out of Komaeda's presence, and knew it could be no coincidence.

So here Chiaki was. Driving a car. _The_ Komaeda Nagito in her passenger seat.

She hated Hajime _so fucking much_.

"So... Komaeda..." Chiaki began slowly. "How are you feeling?"

"Great," he beamed, rolling his head on the headrest to flash an unnerving smile at her. "That nurse was so... Reminds me of someone. Can't really put my finger on it though..."

"Try not to," Chiaki returned a tight smile.

"Then am I supposed to think about how Hajime kicked me out?"

Chiaki groaned inwardly. Apparently even memory erasing couldn't keep these gay idiots from gravitating towards each other. Komaeda didn't take the whole "Hajime hates you story" very well.

"His last name is Hinata," Chiaki finally decided. Hajime wanted her to be cold, Hajime wanted her to break up with his boyfriend, Hajime wanted her to be a bitch, well whatever he wanted her to do, she could do that. He never asked for much, and besides, she wasn't particularly fond of the controversial boy, with all the strife he had caused her.

"Yes, but he told me to call him Hajime. So I will." Komaeda kept grinning at Chiaki. " **There's a certain taste to it.** His name." _Damn, how the fuck did Hajime find this endearing?_

"I think you shouldn't."

Komaeda's smile disappeared and he began to frown. "Does he really hate me? Is it because of what I said while I was sick?" Komaeda shook his head. "I am really sorry about it, I didn't mean a word of it. I don't know what came over me. Maybe if I had a chance to explain-"

"No. He won't listen. He's... he hates you." _God, it was hard for even her to say it._

"Oh... I mean... I really didn't mean any of it... I just... If I could-"

"It's not because of what you said," Chiaki finally sighed, throwing the stuttering boy a bone.

"Then... what?" Komaeda said softly.

Chiaki didn't respond.

"Hah... Really... He doesn't seem like the kind of person to just... hate someone..."

"He's not," Chiaki sighed. She stopped at a light and looked over at Komaeda. He was balled up in the passenger seat, his knees at his chin, his arms wrapped around them.

"Then..." Komaeda met her eyes. He looked so... _vulnerable_.

Chiaki looked back to the road. "No."

Komaeda laughed. "You are a tough cookie," he grinned and rocked forward in order to see her face better.

"Was that all an act?" She eyed him dryly.

Komaeda laughed heartily and fell back into his seat. "Ah, not all of it. I am upset. You just seemed..."

"Like I would fall for it."

Komaeda laughed again. _God, this was the laugh Hajime wouldn't shut up about?_ "I suppose so." They sat in silence for a bit. "So, I take it that you won't tell me anything."

Chiaki thought about it for a moment. She never particularly disliked him, but she and Komaeda did tend to avoid each other. They just didn't mesh too well after he became... _involved_ with Hajime. They had been on good speaking terms, but after seeing how hard it was on Hajime... She didn't care for Komaeda.

But... he hadn't done anything wrong per se, and she couldn't deny that Hajime needed Komaeda. He always would.

"No, I will." Komaeda snapped his eyes to her. She made him wait. "But... only for Hajime. He's my friend."

Komaeda nodded. "Does... he, ah, know?"

"What do you think?" She shot Komaeda a dry look. He smirked.

"Alright, what knowledge can you bless me with?"

"Remember it."

Komaeda looked at her. "What?" He finally sputtered.

"Remember." She fixed him with a steely gaze, the car rolling to a stop.

"What?" Komaeda spat angrily. "That's it? Remember what?" Chiaki didn't respond. Komaeda groaned and got out of the car. He slammed it as hard as he could behind him, cursing her uselessness he did.

He began to walk away, but before he could get far, he heard her voice again. She rolled down the window and shouted something at him. Her voice, clear and melodious, tugged harshly at something at the back of his mind.

"They are masking despair with the talents, pretending it is hope."

Komaeda stopped dead in his tracks. He spun around and faced her, but couldn't make his feet move. "Who?" Komaeda was nearly whispering. Something about that... that sentence seemed _so familiar. Despair, hope, despair, talent..._ He shook his head. "Who said that?"

Chiaki smiled.

"You did."


	10. Listen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fictober2019-Day 10  
> Prompt number: 10 "Listen, I can't explain it, you'll have to trust me."   
> Warnings: none   
> AU: ;) a surprise

"What the fuck is wrong with you Komaeda?" Kuzuryu growled. As soon as Nagito had finished his check-up with Tsumiki, he sought out the closet thing he had to a friend. Which meant that Komaeda had pulled Kuzuryu mid-conversation into an empty classroom.

"You're not going to believe me," Nagito wheezed, out of breath from his run.

Kuzuryu cocked an eyebrow. "Really now? And when has that ever stopped you." He chuckled, throwing out his hip and placing his hand on it. "You literally never stop spouting fucking _nonsense_ , what-"

"I think the school has been stealing our memories."

Kuzuryu blinked. He smiled and forced a chuckle. It died out as Nagito did not laugh as well.

"You have _got_ to be fucking kidding me," Kuzuryu groaned, throwing his head into his hands. 

Nagito gave Kuzuryu a second to be angry. He knew if he just jumped in and started explaining, it would just infuriate him more.

"Nagito, there is no way that they would do this," Kuzuryu finally grit out in a harsh whisper. "And why did you even come up with this? How did you even know this?"

How _did_ Nagito even know this? Hajime didn’t say it to him. No, it was that girl. When she said that quote, supposedly from him, he _felt_ something. He just knew. He knew that that was him. He he had to have said it. It just felt so right, like something was finally filly this huge hole in his mind.

" **Listen, I can't explain it, you'll have to trust me.** "

Kuzuryu studied Nagito for a moment. Nagito began to feel anxious as the seconds dragged on, would Kuzuryu follow him? Would he be okay with it? Was he even his friend-

"Fuck," Kuzuryu cursed and scratched the back of his neck. He sighed and shut his eyes. "What do you need from me?"

Nagito smiled.

* * *

"Are you sure this will work?" Tsumiki mumbled anxiously.

"Of course he isn't! That's why he's going first," Saionji tittered.

At that, the room erupted in worried murmurs and concerned questions. _Would this work? Was it even possible? Was this just another one of Komaeda's stunts?_

"Stop," Nevermind spoke up, her clear, stern voice cutting through the static in the room. "We are all here because we have faith and trust in Kuzuryu. If he says that Nagito has proof that we may have missing memories, then we believe him. And if is the only way to obtain that proof, then we shall allow Komaeda to either make a fool of himself or prove us wrong. We shall continue as long as Komaeda consents."

"Haha, I consent guys, its fine," Nagito laughed nervously. "Listen I know you all are doing me a huge favor by being here and offering to go next, but lets be honest with ourselves. You wouldn't be here if you didn't notice that something was off." Nagito paused and gauged the room. All of his peers kept quiet; he was right. "We have all felt like something has been wrong for some time. We are just finally doing something about it." He paused again.

"Alright!" Nagito grinned and clapped his hands. "Let's get started. Tsumiki, if you will do me the honor?"

Tsumiki let out a squeak and nodded. She carefully organized the table next to Nagito and plucked a mask out of a box. She hooked it up to the tank they had stolen from the school nurses's office, and when she was done, held it close to Nagito's face. She gave him one last worried look, asking once again for permission, and Nagito nodded slightly. Her face relaxed a bit and she slid the mask over Nagito's face.

"Okay, I am going to need you to count down from ten with me."

"Ten," Tsumiki started. Nagito echoed.

"Nine."

"Eight."

"Seven."

"Si..."

Nagito slipped into darkness, his last thought of the mysterious boy that started this all.


	11. Alone, part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fictober 2019-Day 11  
> Prompt number: 11 "It's not always like this."  
> Warnings: slight panic attack and another nightmare  
> AU: post-simulation   
> A/N: This is not apart of the longer series, this is a continuation from Chapter 8: Alone, part 1. This part is sickening fluff, I wrote it to take a break from the angst of the longer series, so please enjoy lol

Waking up was awkward. Nagito was an early riser, much to his dismay, but that next morning Nagito did not wake up first.

He woke up slowly, the foreign, fuzzy feeling of knowing he had slept too long, but still couldn't bring himself to wake up. He felt light shining from behind his closed eyelids, but thought nothing of it, nuzzling deeper into his cocoon to block it out. After he moved, he felt the arms around him shift and gently shake his shoulders. A husky voice accompanied the motion.

"Nagito, I need to go."

Nagito felt the memories of last night hit him like a truck. A truck that then threw it in reverse and ran him over again when he realized that he was laying on Hinata's chest, curled and wrapped around him.

Nagito shot up, pushing on Hinata's chest to sit up, and then attempting to scoot away from the other boy as fast as he could. The quick motion sent his head spinning, and black dots danced in his vision.

Hinata reached out and grabbed Nagito's shoulders, steadying him. Hinata looked worried, his brow creased and mouth turned down. _Oh god, he's upset with me, its my fault he hates me he wants to leave-_

"I am so sorry," Hinata began talking, cutting Nagito's thoughts off before he could vocalize them. "I was worried about waking you up. I really didn't want to, but I really need to go. So I thought about sneaking out but..." Hinata sucked in a breath. Nagito felt Hinata's thumbs rub circles into his shoulders, and Nagito released the tension in them. "I... did not want you to wake up alone."

Hinata studied Nagito's face. Nagito wasn't sure what he saw, but he knew he had to at least be blushing.

"I am sorry if I scared you," Hinata offered after the silence became unbearable.

_He thinks I'm... Does he not even realize how we woke up? That we were... he doesn't... oh my god has he always been this dense?_

Nagito forced a small smile. "No, it's okay, I'm actually very thankful that you spent so much time on someone like me."

Hinata frowned. "Of course I would spend time on someone like you. Because you are worth it and not trash."

"You don't have-"

"Yes I do," Hinata interrupted sternly. "Seeing as you don't believe it yourself." He paused and looked over at the clock. "Shit, I got to go." He looked back at Nagito. "Are you going to be okay?" He reached over and tucked a part of Nagito's hair behind his ear.

Nagito stopped breathing for what felt like minutes. His face burned and he looked away, unable to look at Hinata anymore.

Nagito mumbled something like "mhm" and nodded slightly. Hinata apparently took that as a yes, as he let go of Nagito's shoulders and threw the covers off of himself. He hopped out of the bed and padded over to the door.

"Okay, great. See you tonight!" With that, Hajime was out the door.

_See you tonight? Do we have a meeting tonight?_ Nagito mused as he wormed his way back into the covers. He tried to get comfortable, but couldn't seem to manage it. The bed was starting to feel cold, merely an echo of the warmth Hinata provided remained. Nagito sighed as he flailed in his bed. He curled into a tight ball and squeezed his eyes shut.

He wasn't going back to sleep. He was already too awake. _And too alone._ Nagito spread out on the bed, taking up the full twin mattress. _Maybe I can just lay here until I need to get up. Well, then again, I don't really need to get up. Hinata has stuff to do, but I don't. Even if I did, I would mess it up. I mean, I could go to breakfast..._

Nagito's stomach grumbled. Then he thought about Hinata, sitting down at the table, peers talking to him, him smiling, and the Hinata looking over at Nagito and-

He wasn't sure what would happen next, but he was sure that his stomach immediately felt uneasy and eating became the last thing on his mind. He couldn't see Hinata so soon after they...

Nagito made up his mind to lay in his bed for the rest of the day.

He rolled over and pressed his face into the pillow, content on disassociating for the rest of all time. He heaved another large sigh, breathing into the pillow. Something just felt so calming and-

_The bed smelled like Hinata._

Nagito got out of bed, deciding maybe lying in bed wasn't the _best_ of ideas.

* * *

Nagito hovered outside of his door. The day came and went and now it was time for his least favorite part of the day. Sleeping. Because that meant dreaming and Nagito did _not_ want to dream.

He thought about how nice it had been to sleep with... how nice it had been to not be alone. His mind couldn't bear to finish the previous thought. Yet, however much he wanted to deny the safety and comfort Hajime personally emanated, he could recognize that waking up alone from his night terrors had not been particularly enjoyable. Telling himself that he loved the company instead of his company was safe. That way he could crave Hinata's company under the guise that it wasn't him, that it was really just the presence of another person.

But his company was currently in a meeting.

Not that Nagito minded. Of course. Hajime had responsibilities and jobs and hope to spread and...

Nagito didn't mind. It was just that something bugged him about this meeting. It had been bugging him since he learned about said meeting when he not-so-slyly mentioned Hinata's absense to Saionji. She told him who it was with, not that he could remember or seem to care, and what it was about. This, he remembered. They were planning to create a patrol whose purpose was to help and protect survivors. Incredibly hopeful. Even though what they were doing was so full of hope, Nagito felt himself getting upset. It wasn't like him.

It wasn't that he didn't want them to do all that, it was just... he didn't want Hinata to have to be there. It was so late, and he had to take care of everything all the time. Nagito thought he needed a break.

The more selfish side of Nagito knew the real reason why Hinata being tied up bothered him so much.

Nagito opened the door and began to get ready for bed. He didn't feel exhausted as usual, probably since last night he was able to actually sleep. After Nagito wakes up from a terror like that, sleep afterwards was usually a moot point. He was never able to.

He slipped into a nightshirt and old sweatpants and laid down in his bed. He didn't want to go to sleep just yet, so he began reading a book that was next to the bedside table. He did his best to focus, but after a while he felt himself drifting off again.

Flashes of red splashed across his vision. People were screaming, dying, burning, and Nagito was the one doing it. He felt a heavy weight around his neck. A collar. A chain. People were screaming. Explosions shook his body and he almost fell. He was running. No, he was standing. Watching the school burn down as students were trying to escape. They were screaming.

No, he was screaming.

"Nagito! Wake up!" A worried voice cut through the noise, and Nagito felt his voice crack. He was sitting up, someone clutching his shoulders. He opened his eyes but all he could see was Hinata.

"I killed them," Nagito hiccuped and sobbed. "I killed them I blew them all up I killed everyone I killed you I killed you-"

"Hey!" Hinata caught Nagito's face and held him firm with one hand, the other still supporting Nagito's torso. "Everyone is okay, you didn't do anything. I am here, I am alive, see?"

"No, no, no," Nagito chanted, shaking his head. He tried to wiggle out of Hinata's grasp, but he was far too weak and delirious. "I killed you, I did it, I killed you, _you're dead and it's all my fault!_ " Nagito voice was low and hoarse from his screams, but as he bit out those words, it felt like they were twenty times as loud.

Hinata let go of Nagito's shoulder and snatched his hand. Still cradling Nagito's cheek with his right hand, he used his left to placed Nagito's hand over his chest. "Nagito, I am here. I am right here, you can feel my heart. Do you feel it?"

"No, no, it's _my fault_ -"

"Nagito!" Hajime let go of Nagito's face as Nagito tried to shake him off. He used it to hold Nagito's hand in place, wrapping around his wrist. "Do you feel my heartbeat? Focus on feeling it. What does it feel like?"

Nagito broke eye contact with Hinata and looked down at his chest. Hinata was pressing Nagito's only hand onto his own chest, his hand wrapped around Nagito's wrist. Nagito focused on the heat radiating from Hinata, how it warmed his clammy fingers. As he focused in on his hand he began to feel it. The quick beating, the steady thrum. Loud and so very there.

"Fast..." Nagito finally mumbled.

Hinata chuckled. "You gave me quite a scare." He paused, then continued, more sober. "You were screaming." Hinata shook his head, thinking better of that line of questioning. "Keep going."

"Strong."

"Alright, see?" Hinata let go of Nagito's wrist, letting his other hand fall into his lap as well, and reached for his cheek again. He tilted Nagitos head up and wiped tears that Nagito did not know he shed off with his thumb. Hinata was smiling, face illuminated by the desk lamp Nagito had left on. He looked... ethereal. Nagito did not move his hand from Hinata's chest. He needed it there to be sure Hinata was alive. "I am here."

Nagito felt a ball of emotion claw its way up his throat. He swallowed it down and shut his eyes.

Hinata was just _too_ bright.

He took a moment and just breathed. Nagito wasn't sure how long he spent breathing, but the entire time, Hinata just waited.

After Nagito felt like he had composed himself enough, he began to apologize for everything. "Its... its not always like this... I am sorry you had to-"

"No." Hinata's voice was soft, but firm. "You will not apologize. I will not accept it. I am here because I want to be, Nagito."

"You are so very generous, as to be exp-"

"Nagito please," Hinata finally begged, leaning in until their foreheads touched. "For _once_ believe me when I tell you you are worth it. That I am here for you and no one else, that I am not doing this just because I am nice or whatever crap you think, that I am doing this for you because it is you, and no one else, and you are worth it."

Nagito felt everything in him crack and splinter. He wanted so _bad_ to do what Hinata asked, anything Hinata asked, but the idea felt so foreign and _wrong_. Nagito was trash, he was worthless and good for nothing and not even Hinata could change that.

Nagito clenched his hand, balling up Hinata's shirt in his fist. "I can't," he managed to say.

"Hey, hey, its okay. Can you believe that I think it?"

"Yes?" Nagito answered slowly, then added more rapidly. "I mean, its not always this bad, like I was saying, so you wont have to always come here and have to stay here. You won't have to come."

"Okay." Hinata paused, then pulled away a little bit. "Do... do you want me here?"

Nagito opened his eyes, curious as to what prompted the question. Hinata looked nervous or anxious, Nagito couldn't exactly tell.

"If... if I make you uncomfortable... or if you just want someone else..."

Oh god he thought...

"No!" Nagito said quickly. "No, I don't..." He looked down at his hand, balled in Hinata's shirt. "No one else will do."

"So," Hinata cleared his throat, prompting Nagito look up. Hinata was looking off to the side, towards the clock on the wall. Nagito thought he looked red, but couldn't exactly tell. "Can we use your room? Its cleaner than mine."

Nagito realized what he was talking about, and withdrew his hand from Hinata's shirt. Hinata dropped his hand from Nagito's face as well.

"Um, yeah."

"I'll try to get out of my meetings earlier, so I won't be out so late, but I can't get around my morning report to Naegi. I can probably convince him to push it back a bit, but it will still be early. Do you mind?"

"No." Nagito paused. He was asking if Nagito minded waking up early with him. Nagito didn’t want to wake up alone, and Hinata knew that and didn’t make him ask for it. He just... gave it to Nagito. "Thank you."

"Of course. I'm going to get changed, you want to lie down? You don't have to wait for me."

“I’ll wait,” Nagito responded immediately. He didn’t have to think about it. Nagito looked at Hinata after that. He realized for the first time that he was fully clothed, including shoes. He must have just ran into the room.

Hinata nodded. He got up and walked to the door. Before he opened it, he paused and looked back at Nagito. "I will be right back."

Nagito nodded. He didn't believe in himself for anything, but if anything was for sure, it was Hajime Hinata.

And Hinata did come back. Each and every night.


	12. Memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fictober 2019-Day 12  
> Prompt number: 12 "What if I don't see it?."   
> Warnings: Disorienting descriptions  
> AU: ;) a surprise   
> A/N: Back to the longer series. Cliffhanger, over :)

Nagito was stuck in a tornado.

He was falling and flying all at once. Nagito's mind was doing its best to grasp onto the images flying past, but as soon as it would fall into focus, it would be whipped away as fast as it came. He wasn't aware of what he was looking for, or if he was even looking for something. It was so unconscious, so primal, the need to be in control of his mind that he was searching for something he could not name. It was nauseating, the feeling of something just within Nagito's grasp being torn away. He felt sick and anxious and just wanted to be on the ground again. He wanted to be stable.

Someone caught him. He had pitched forward, but a solid arm blocked his fall. The impact to his abdomen forced him to huff and release what little air was filling his lungs, but he had stopped. He wasn't falling anymore. He looked up to the origin of the arms and found a red faced boy. He was panting and sweating, but his eyes were the most beautiful shade of green. They were the color of the forest, dark and mysterious, flecks of gold and bright green glimmering with something pure. Nagito couldn't really place it, the word wasn't coming to him, but he knew that there was a word that could perfectly encapsulate the spectacular mixture of dedication, hurt, mystery, kindness, and beauty in the boy's eyes.

His eyes were so... _full of hope_.

Nagito wasn't going to lie to himself, the boy looked like a mess. His cheeks and unnatural shade of red, sweat glistening and trailing down his face, his breath heaving and ugly. _But his eyes..._ they looked like they had been through hell and back, like they had seen the worst life had to offer, but still went on. They were a cold dedication, a hard promise that no matter what happened they would come through. No matter how much they saw, they kept their glimmering greens and golds. They had hope that it would get better.

The boy said something. Nagito did not hear him, but he felt himself nod. The boy set him upright, then looked in front of Nagito. Nagito didn't follow the boy's gaze, he was all too aware of the cliff before him, and besides, he would rather stare into the boy's eyes.

The boy said something again. Nagito responded, then asked what had been burning in his mind since he first saw the boy's eyes. This time, when the boy responded, Nagito heard him.

"Hinata. Hinata Hajime."

Nagito tipped and fell over the cliff.

The tornado picked up again, though, this time it was different. It was still utter chaos, everything being pushed and pulled in a million other directions. Memories still teased him, giving him just enough time to see, but not enough to recognize. It was still a tornado. But this time, he felt more in control. His feet were planted securely on the ground. Instead of Nagito falling through the whirlwind, he stood as it passed him by. He wasn't falling anymore. He was standing.

He reached out and looked for more of the boy. When he focused on him, images flew past. Pictures of Hinata. Snapshots.

Hinata, looking off to the side, cheeks burning red.

Hinata, mouth agape, eyes wild, surprised, and taken aback. 

Hinata, frowning. His forehead was creased and his eyebrows furrowed. He looked annoyed. Frustrated.

Hinata smiling, his hand up in a wave.

Hinata, his mouth in a line, his eyes dark. He wasn't frowning but Nagito knew he was upset.

_Hinata, Hinata, Hinata._

Nagito knew the stills by themselves meant nothing. 

But to him, they told a story. 

Nagito met a boy with eyes that shined and asked him to walk him home everyday. Watch out for him. The boy agreed, but only if Nagito promised something. They couldn't speak at school. He was a Reserve Course student. Nagito did not understand; the boy was hope. But he obeyed. They walked home. They talked. The boy had a sister. An Ultimate. But Hinata wasn't. He lived with his grandparents. He was shameful. But they died. He had to go back. His parents made him go to Hope's Peak. Everyday was a reminder that he was not her. Nagito told him he didn't mind, but wished that he could be one too. He would be happier if he was.

Then the boy disappeared.

And Nagito was falling again.

He was spinning out of control until he felt a sharp pain to his rib-cage. Someone kicked him. A sharp heel dug into the base of his neck, smashing his face onto cold concrete.

"Despair is the fall of the Ultimates," blonde hair and red nails declared. "And despair is the most beautiful thing there is."

Nagito screamed.

He ran back into the tornado. He ran until before him stood a boy. Nagito was walking into the Reserve Course building, he knew Hinata told him never to do that, but Hinata was so very late. Nagito was worried. So he was looking for him. But what he found was not Hinata.

His hair was long and dark and he was wearing different clothes. He stood different, spoke different, and smiled different. But that all meant nothing to Nagito. All of that was nothing compared to the real difference.

_His eyes were red._

"You are not Hinata-kun." It was not a question, and the boy did not answer it. Instead, he answered the question Nagito did not ask.

"Kamakura. Kamakura Izuru."

Nagito shuddered.

"This is wrong. You know better. Whatever you want to be called doesn't change the fact that you should not be doing this. You are taking lives-"

" **What if I don't see it?** "

Nagito faltered. "See what?"

"The point in living. Everything is so boring. There really is no point to life. This whole despair thing- I am just doing it because it's unpredictable. It isn't boring."

"How do you know there is despair in what you are doing?"

"These Ultimates stand as beacons of hope. Removing hope is to cause despair."

"Yes, but that implies that the presence of Ultimates means hope."

His eyes darkened. "Is that not true?"

Nagito smiled. "Then I suppose I have answer to both questions. I found both hope and a point to life in someone who wasn't an Ultimate. Someone who gave me that hope, someone who's whole life was bathed in despair because of Ultimates, someone who is not you."

Nagito left not-Hinata, his heart breaking with each step.


	13. Trust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fictober 2019-Day 13  
> Prompt number: 13 "I never knew it could be this way."   
> Warnings: none   
> AU: a surprise ;)

Nagito heard voices first.

He heard them through cotton. They were muted and soft, but still recognizable. He wanted to ignore them and sleep longer, but as usual for Nagito, that was not an option. He was a horrible sleeper.

So, he slowly focused in on the voices. He shifted and opened his eyes.

It was blurry at first, but then he caught sight of Kuzuryu.

Nagito tried to speak, but all that came out was a croak. His voice was thick with disuse, the normal grit after waking up. Kuzuryu heard though, and looked over.

"Sleeping beauty finally up, eh?"

"I wouldn't say beauty," Saionji's voice quipped. Nagito heard Koizumi chastise her, but he didn't care enough to listen.

"I remembered."

Kuzuyru's eyes widened and the whole room drew in a breath. 

"Not everything," Nagito quickly supplied after. He pushed himself up, faltering as his head spun. Kuzuryu walked over and helped him the rest of the way so that he could sit up. "Thank you. I remembered parts. Enough to know we have been lied to."

"Explain," Nevermind ordered. Nagito did not have to look at her to tell what she looked like. Stern. Serious. Cold. This was serious.

He picked his words carefully, doing his best to explain, but not give away too much. "There was some sort of uprising started by one of our own, an Ultimate." Nagito swallowed. Speaking about this person sent chills down his spine and made his stomach upset. Nagito didn't know why, but he wasn't sure he wanted to. "They used a Reserve Course student and manipulated them into turning all of the Reserve Course students against us. Something... something happened and the student changed their mind and instead lead the students against the school. As a result, they were expelled and that's the real reason there is no more Reserve Course."

There was silence for a moment.

"Bullshit," Saionji snorted. "A Reserve Course student couldn't have-"

"He could have," Nagito whirled on her. "He did."

Saionji smirked. "So it was a boy, huh? Was he cute?"

"That's not-"

"He was wasn't he? Komaeda likes boys!"

"Saionji!" Koizumi said once more. At that, Saionji stood down, but she kept the smirk on her face.

"It was his voice that led him, that was his talent."

"But I thought you said he was a Reserve?" Nevermind asked.

"He was," Nagito conceded, speaking slowly. He didn't want to give them too much information. If they found out that this was the same boy that he supposedly ditched Kuzuyru for (the story the school had come up with) they wouldn't believe the rest. "But he was more than that. He radiated a hope so wonderful and all encompassing, he was the Ultimate Hope. His presence just made you feel like no matter how bad it got that at some point it would get better. I..."

Nagito hesitated. He knew what he wanted to say. " **I never knew it could be that way.** Life. To actually look forward to the next day because you might get to see Hinata smile. Hear his laugh, hear his voice, even just hear him breathe. I never knew life could be so full of hope for the future."

But he did not say that.

"I think you guys will remember him too." Nagito looked around the room. Everyone seemed very skeptical of Nagito's words.

"Can you tell us anything else? Anything about this boy that would help prove Hope's Peak is a danger? I mean you said they flipped and lead their revolution against the school instead. Why?"

Nagito licked his lips, then pressed them into a thin line. "No. I can't really tell you more about the boy, he's... complicated. But I can tell you about what matters, the secrets the school has been keeping from us. About the uprising, and the one in our class who started it. The girl we started the year with, but no longer remember because the school wants to keep her secret." Nagito hesitated. He knew what he was spewing was unbelievable. But he needed to know that they were willing to listen before he went on. "Will you hear me out?"

The eerily silent room remained quiet, as everyone thought, and Nagito waited for their answer.


	14. Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fictober 2019-Day 14  
> Prompt number: 14 "I can't come back."   
> Warnings: none  
> AU: Hinata stops Junko/non-despair

Hajime ran.

He ran as hard and as fast as he could. He knew he was risking everything. Everyone. He was putting everything on the line for a chance at being with him.

And Hajime wouldn't have it any other way. 

Chiaki was leading the distraction strike, the rest of the Reserves with her. It was all disguised as a lame attempt to overthrow Hope's Peak after being driven out when they turned against the school. Hajime and the rest knew they would fail and be forced to leave once again with their tails tucked between their knees. They knew there was no way that they could win - not now at least. In the future, after they had gathered more support and recuperated, yes they might just stand a chance. But not a mere two days after they had last lost.

Hajime wanted to go back the next day.

Chiaki was the one who first told him no. She was certainly becoming his voice of reason, starting as soon as Hajime asked her to die for him. She told him that there was no way that he could do it himself, that he needed the Reserves. Then she told him that there was no way they were going to want to come back.

Hajime convinced them the next day.

He had to tell them why, of course. It was for him. And he knew exactly where he would be. Hajime ran back to the back entrance of the Ultimate's school, flew out the door, and kept running, letting it slam shut behind him. He let up on his pace when Hajime saw him standing in almost the exact same place that he had been when they first spoke.

It hadn't been the first time Hajime had seen him, though. He really didn't want to admit it, but Hajime had always known about Komaeda. His sister would tell stories about the freak in the top class, the one who had few friends, stuck by himself, and didn't have a real talent. She would talk about him, and Hajime would listen. In the beginning, Hajime thought the boy was just like him - someone who was supposed to have a talent but didn't. A disappointment. Just like Hajime.

Then Hajime did... research. He looked him up, he asked around, he soaked up as much as possible. He was an orphan, but he was filthy rich. He was sick, but nothing ever hurt him. He was freaky smart, but never said the right things. Hajime began looking for him in the Ultimate building, checking the windows whenever he walked passed, just in case Hajime would be as lucky as the boy was and see him. He would pretend to wait for his sister after school just to catch a glimpse of him, not even bothering to change out of his Reserve uniform because he wouldn't risk missing him. He hated people seeing him in his uniform, but when the boy was in Hajime's mind, it didn't seem to matter as much.

Then one day Hajime did get lucky. While dropping his sister at the back entrance of the Ultimate school - so that no one saw her with him - he saw the boy. He was walking towards the school, but was dangerously close to the drop off. Hajime had looked around. No one was there. They were alone. He thought about going up to him, speaking to him, but he didn't. He chickened out like he always did and started off to the Reserve building.

Then he heard the boy yelp.

And Hajime ran to catch him.

Now Hajime stood at the same point where he made his split second decision a little less than a year ago. Once again he stood staring at Komaeda's back, faced with a decision.

This time, he did not hesitate.

Hajime walked over, taking his time to catch his breath, smooth down his hair, and straighten his shirt. When he got close enough to touch the boy, he stopped.

"Ko... N-nagito," Hajime cursed as he stuttered at the beginning. Nagito started, his body tensing for a second, then he turned around. The sight of Hajime did not seem to ease the tension in his shoulders. As Nagito stared blankly at Hajime, Hajime realized he had no idea what to say.

He wanted to say that he realized that he loved him. That that was the reason why he got so upset when Nagito would talk about his Ultimate friends, or make comments about how he wished Hajime was an Ultimate, or just complained about how they couldn’t talk at school. That Nagito had saved him from doing something very terrible. That Nagito was the only reason why Hajime was still here. He wanted to tell Nagito how much he meant to him, about what he meant to Hajime.

But he couldn’t. There was still the nagging voice in the back of his head telling him that Nagito didn’t like him. That even if Nagito did, Nagito deserved better. That the only thing Hajime could do was think about Nagito and put him first.

So he did. Nagito needed to get out of here. That was a priority, no matter how Hajime felt.

"Uh, come on. We need to leave now," Hajime finally managed, holding one of his arms out. He stopped looking at Nagito and began to nervously scratch the back of his neck. For some reason, all of his earlier confidence had been drained from him. He couldn't meet Nagito's eyes anymore.

"We do?" Nagito questioned innocently and Hajime nearly melted at the sound of his voice.

"Yeah, I can't be here anymore-"

"Okay. So go."

Hajime felt something in him split. He desperately pushed it together, there was no way. There had to be a reason. Hajime looked at Nagito to see if he was kidding. He didn’t. Maybe... maybe he didn’t understand. Hajime spoke slowly and uncertainly, the waver in his voice betraying him, making it clear that he was a moment from shattering. "Nagito, **I can't come back**. This was a big enough risk as is. There's no guarantee that I can come get you-"

"I'm not going with you?" Nagito cut him off. He chuckled nervously and folded his arms. Hajime knew the motion, Nagito was uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, but I don't know who you are."

Hajime teetered and fell off the cliff.


	15. Sulking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fictober 2019-Day 15  
> Prompt number: 15 "That's what I'm talking about!"   
> Warnings: none  
> AU: Hinata stops Junko/non-despair

Hajime was miserable.

He hurt and didn't know what to do about it. Seeing Komaeda again, especially after their last encounter, was just too much for him.

Not that he'd let anyone know.

He carried on business as usual for his Reserves. Helping solve problems. He helped a boy figure out what to do after the place he had been working had been forcefully shut down by the school. He helped a couple in his class move into their own apartment. He gathered students to help do damage control at a vandalized school.

Life was wrought with despair, but Hajime pressed on. Like always. 

"Hajime, you need to stop."

Chiaki's clear voice pierced the silence of Hajime's office. He didn't attempt to mask his sigh.

It had been only been four days since Chikai dropped Komaeda back off at the school. Despite obvious curiosity, Hajime had managed to dodge all questions about their recent guest. He knew that he should answer his peers' questions, but his stubbornness won over. Answering questions would reveal that he sent Nagito away, and he couldn't let them know he was hurting. Hajime knew that they were talking about him. He hadn't heard anyone yet, but he wasn't completely stupid. He knew it would be better to just lie to them and tell them that he was doing just fine, that he made up with Komaeda and they went their separate ways, but he couldn't do that either. They chose him. They relied on him. He needed to be worthy of that, and lying would just add to his long list of inadequacies. 

"I need to stop what?" Hajime's tone was very sour. He was playing dumb. They both knew what she meant.

"You are sulking. You need to stop." Chiaki's voice was neutral. She was going to play along.

Hajime groaned and fell back into his chair. He folded his arms and finally looked at Chiaki. She was standing tall, her hood down, eyeing Hajime reproachfully. "I am not sulking. Besides, all of my duties are being met, I have accomplish-"

" **That's what I am talking about**!" Chiaki cut Hajime off angrily. Her voice was shrill, and it made both of them pause for a second. Hajime pushed his papers to the side and leaned forward a bit more. This was new. She had never yelled at him like this before. If he kept calm, he could shift this onto her, weasel his way out of it for a few more days.

Chiaki took a deep breath before she continued. "You are acting the same as you were after we first got here. After the first time Komaeda snubbed you. You feel like you failed again, so you throw yourself into your work-"

"And that's a bad thing?!" Hajime raised his voice and gripped the arms of his chair. He numbly recognized that he just threw out his only way out of this, but the mention of Nag- of Komaeda snubbing him... it struck a chord deep inside of him and he couldn't seem to control himself. He was being too defensive and there was no way that he could play it off now. He needed to say something, but knew he couldn't say anything about Komaeda. He wanted to scream about how he had every right to be upset over what happened, that he was actually handling this extremely well for someone who just had to send the person they loved away. But he couldn't. That would just be opening the door for Chiaki. So he got mad at what he could. "The fact that I take this job fucking seriously should not be-"

"Hajime! When was the last time you ate?" Chiaki paused, but Hajime knew it was a rhetorical question. "When was the last time you slept? Taken a moment for yourself? Hell, showered?"

Hajime pressed his lips into a thin line.

"I get that you don't want to talk about him, but if you really don't then stop acting like this. We need to start mobilizing, we can't give up on our plans just because-"

"We aren't doing that anymore." Hajime turned back to his paperwork after he spoke in a lame attempt to end the conversation. He had been putting off telling her, planning to tell her when he felt better, but now was as good a time as any.

"We aren't what?"

Maybe it was a bad time.


	16. Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fictober 2019-Day 16  
> Prompt number: 16 "Listen. No really, listen."   
> Warnings: none   
> AU: Hinata stops Junko/non-despair

Hajime licked his lips, stalling for time. He knew he had to say something, and quick, but he wanted to make sure it was the right thing so that he didn't upset Chiaki more.

"We are not going to move against the school, you were right. It is a bad idea and can endanger all of the Ultimates. We have to wait until we have a plan to get them out before we-"

"You are so _fucking full_ of bull shit."

Hajime felt a shiver go down his spine. She very rarely swore like that. The fact that she did almost made Hajime hesitate before he spoke again.

Almost.

"No, you were right-"

"Hajime, stop. **Listen**." Hajime opened his mouth to say something, but Chiaki continued. " **No really, listen.** You have been scared shitless ever since the whole incident. You haven't been taking risks. You have been refusing to mobilize the citizens that support us, even though we have enough people. You have been stalling and I am sick and tired of it. You have been scared of despair ever since you fell into it, and you need to get over it and fight. You need to push through. You need to embrace despair to be hope."

Chiaki stopped talking and looked at Hajime. Hajime was sure she wanted some sort of confirmation, but he was floored. Slowly, he answered her. "When did I fall into despair?"

"When Izuru Kamakura took over."

"You believe that was my despair?"

Chiaki cocked an eyebrow at him. "Hajime, you lost yourself. You let the school surgically remove everything that was you."

"And that's when you think I fell into despair?"

"Yes."

Hajime scoffed. He threw the papers he was looking at onto the table and fell back into his chair. He ran his hands over his face and took a deep breath. "Izuru was not my despair. I feel like you forget that he is still apart of me. He never left."

"I know that, but being only Izuru was hopeless."

Hajime shook his head. "That was not my despair. Again, you forget that I was able to lead an entire revolution after Izuru. However, I will admit that you're right. I have been scared recently. I have not wanted to oppose Hope's Peak. But Izuru is not the reason."

Hajime paused to collect his thoughts. He was scared. He was scared of falling into despair again, that much was true. But he couldn't exactly pinpoint when he did fall. It was a constant despair, a trailing sadness. It was like wading through water. He could still move and function, but it was tough. The whole time he was with Komaeda was bittersweet. Every moment was precious, but lacking. The smiles, the jokes, the warmth was all so perfect but all so fleeting. Every perfect second was a reminder that it could not last forever.

So it really had started before Izuru had even been present, but Hajime couldn't deny that it was not a low point. But it wasn't because of Kamakura.

It was the moment when he realized that Komaeda did not care if he was recognized as an Ultimate. That everything Hajime had done was unnecessary. But it wasn't just that either. It was the fact the he was allowed to believe for nearly 72 hours after the revolt and he fixed the mistake he made with the experiment that he could fix it. The fact that he felt like he was too late when he got there.

His despair was because he had hope.

It was that stupid, stubborn hope that he could fix it, that if he just went back for Komaeda that he could make it up. It was that hope that if he didn’t have, he wouldn’t have hurt so bad when he couldn’t get him back. If he didn't believe that he could get Komaeda back, then he would not have been so crushed when he was already gone.

Hajime was afraid to hope.

So he tried not to. But whenever Komaeda was involved, Hajime always had hope. Even when he promised himself that he would never think that he could get Komaeda back, he still picked him up that day on the rally. Because Hinata could not help himself. No matter how hard Hajime tried, there was still a part of him that hoped that he could get Komaeda back.

And it killed him.


	17. Despair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fictober 2019- Day 17  
> Prompt number: 17 "There is just something about her/him/them."   
> Warnings: none  
> AU: Hinata stops Junko/non-despair

Chiaki sighed.

"Why him? It's because of him, isn't it? It always is." Chiaki sighed again and Hajime looked up at her. She was looking away from him, tugging on the strings of her hoodie. "I really should have known."

She didn't keep talking, so Hajime assumed she wanted some sort of comfort. Maybe telling her she was wrong. Girls liked that, didn't they? They whole 'no, you're not stupid' thing. Hajime wasn't sure if that's what she was going for. She looked kind of upset. He couldn't tell.

This was too complicated.

"Yeah, you really should have." Hajime shrugged and turned back to his papers. He pulled out the forms he was working on and continued to fill them out. Hajime felt like the conversation was over. There wasn't anything else to discuss. So he continued to work.

Hajime heard Chiaki scoff and draw back a chair. She threw herself into the old chair, making it let out a worrying creak. Hajime saw out of the corner of his eyes her feet on his desk. Hajime wasn't sure if her relaxing was a good sign or a bad one, but it did mean that she did not plan to leave and that their conversation was far from over.

They lapsed into an awkward silence after that. Hajime kept working, not really feeling obligated to say much.

"What made you pick him?" Chiaki finally asked.

Hajime didn't bother to look up from his work. "I didn't."

"You know what I mean."

Did Hajime know? He honestly didn't think he did. What was it about Komaeda that drew him in? Honestly, most people could not stand Komaeda. His negative thoughts were annoying, his obsession with hope was annoying, his belief in luck that led him to never help others was annoying; Komaeda was just annoying. Hajime could admit it too. What had originally brought Komaeda to Hajime's attention was just that. The fact that he was unwanted by his peers, that he didn't fit in. Initially, Hajime had wanted some form of solidarity. Someone else who was supposed to be more but never lived up to it.

Then Hajime met him. And realized Komaeda was nothing like Hajime.

Komaeda was very intelligent. He was talented. He was wise. He always knew what to say and when to say it. He was thoughtful and kind and never expected anything in return. Hajime felt like the Komaeda he knew was different than everyone else's. Maybe because he idolized him for so long before they actually met that the bad parts didn't matter to Hajime. Maybe because Komaeda needed him for something. Either way, Hajime felt, or at least liked to believe, that he got to see a different side of Komaeda. His Komaeda listened to Hajime when he vented about his family. His Komaeda believed that even in the bleakest of times that Hajime could make it out okay. His Komaeda reassured Hajime that he was amazing and great and enough.

Or maybe his Komaeda did none of that and Hajime was just delusional.

" **There's just something about him**."

Chiaki sighed again and swung her feet to the ground. "Okay. Got it. You don't want to talk about him. Fine. But can we talk about how you decided we aren't going to move against the school?"

Hajime capped his pen and turned to look at Chiaki. He started to say something, but they were interrupted when a student burst into Hajime's office. He neglected to knock, letting himself in, and walked up to Hajime's desk. He was panting, as if he had ran the whole way there. Once he got to the desk, he leaned on it, attempting to catch his breath. Hajime waited for him to speak.

After a bit, the boy looked up. "Something happened."

Hajime's face soured. "Obviously."

Chiaki leaned forward and placed her hand on the boy's arm. "Can you tell us what's wrong?"

"Something terrible happened." He paused and eyed Hajime. "At the school. Hope's Peak."

Hajime felt his heart stop.


	18. Collapse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fictober 2019-Day 18  
> Prompt number: 18 "Secrets? I love secrets."   
> Warnings: none   
> A/U: Hinata stops Junko/non-despair

" **Secrets? I love secrets!** " Moida laughed. She nudged Saoinji and nodded towards Nagito. "I say we hear him out."

"He's not going to tell us about the boy," Nevermind chimed in.

"Pft, why do I care about some Reserve Course student? You guys are focusing on the wrong thing. Komaeda has information about an uprising."

"I agree," Owari chimed in. She was sitting on a desk, elbow deep in a bag of chips, but she seemed to be seriously thinking about this. "I think the boy doesn't matter as much as the former one of us."

"In my opinion," Soda exclaimed, waving a screwdriver around as he spoke, "I don't give a fuck about Komaeda's boyfriend."

"Seconded," Mahiru smirked.

Nagito nearly lost his composure when he realized they were having a full blown side bar.

With him still in the room.

Nagito listened as more and more people came to the conclusion that no one really wanted to hear anything about Nagito's "boyfriend." The discussion slowly degraded until all anyone could articulate was that they had to choose between listening to Nagito talk about his boyfriend, or learn more about the deep dark secrets of the school.

It was times like this when he was really thankful for his class's collective stupidity and short attention span.

"Okay," Nevermind finally announced, clapping her hands and turning to Nagito. "We have decided to hear you speak on this former classmate of ours. Please, enlighten us."

Nagito almost had to physically bite his tongue to keep him from saying, "You mean you decided to hear me out in the first place?" Instead he just told them everything.

Everything except for anything pertaining to Hajime. And they listened.

"So. What's the plan?" Kuzuryru was the first one to speak after Nagito finished.

Nagito blinked. "The what?"

"Yeah, I would like to know too," Nevermind said thoughtfully, as if she too had come to some smart decision. After her, murmurs of agreement broke out between the class.

Nagito swallowed heavily. _Shit. A plan?_ Nagito didn't have a plan. He seriously hadn't thought anything out past convincing his fellow classmates to drug the literal shit out of him in a desperate, and probably futile, attempt to remember something. He really didn't think he'd get this far.

"Well..." Nagito began slowly, piecing his thoughts together as he spoke. "We first need to figure out how to get our memories back."

"Didn't you already get yours?" Kuzuryu frowned.

Nagito tilted his head back and forth. "Well, kind of yes. And no. The science behind it is sketchy, but I assumed that they had not taken the memories, and instead just put up a mental blocker. Much easier to do. But, much easier to remember again. All you have to do is realize you are missing your memories and confront the blockade head on. I was able to slip past for a bit, only because I was so far under, but most is still foggy. It would be so much easier if I knew what kind of blockade it was, like if they stimulated trauma and induced repressed memories. If it was that, it would be much more difficult because your mind will have a natural aversion to-"

"So you're saying it was dumb luck you slipped past and it'll be harder for us if we don't know what we're up against?" Kuzuryu cut in.

Nagito pursed his lips. "Yes."

"They would probably keep that information in the headmaster's office," Nevermind mused.

"Pardon me Miss Sonia, but how the _fuck_ are we supposed to get into the headmaster's office?" Soda whined.

"We use our talents." Nevermind answered simply. "Ultimate Impostor can sneak in-"

"That won't work if the head master is still in the office," Impostor noted.

"So we make a distraction," Nevermind replied curtly. She glared at Impostor for cutting her off, but they didn't seem phased.

"But what will we do after that?" Saionji frowned.

"What do you mean?" Mahiru asked.

"Well, we aren't just going to stay here afterwards, are we?"

"She's right," Teruteru spoke up. "There's no way we are getting out, the security is too tight. We might as well give up now."

The classroom fell silent as everyone thought. No one wanted him to be right, but no one could come up with a solution. How _were_ they supposed to get out?

"What if... we just made our distraction a bit larger?" Nagito mused.

"What the fuck are you on about?" Kuzuryu spat, but there was genuine curiosity behind his voice.

"Well, we are going to need a distraction anyway, to get into the Headmaster's office."

"Yes? And?" Kuzuryu prompted.

"So, what if we made the distraction big enough to draw everyone away?"

"Just spit it out Komaeda," Nevermind finally sighed, fixing a cold glare on him.

Nagito smiled. "What if we blew up the school?"


	19. Alone pt. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fictober 2019-Day 19  
> Prompt number: 19 "Yes, I admit it, you were right."   
> Warnings: none   
> AU: post-simulation   
> A/N: Part 1 is Ch8 and part 2 is Ch11.

Nagito wasn't hungry. He couldn't really tell if it was because he never had any appetite or because he was upset, but the thought of eating made his stomach roll nonetheless. So now, he was just playing with his food. He had already pulverized his egg, the yellowish tint to the rice grains the only remnant of the uneaten protein. He flattened the mixture out over the entire plate, then folded it over itself, only to spread it out again.

The chair to his left of him was pulled back, and Nagito's head shot up to see who was sitting. His face fell when he realized it was only Kuzuryu. He settled into his seat and looked back down at his food.

"Fuck, man," Kuzuryu cursed and dropped his food tray onto the table. The loud clatter surprised Nagito, and he flinched involuntarily. "You don't have to be so fucking depressed to see me."

"I'm not upset to see you," Nagito replied, shooting Kuzuryu a smile for good measure. Now looking at the other boy, Nagito was able to see that Kuzuyru was slouching in his seat, arms folded across his chest . He was scowling too, his brows furrowed so deep that his eye patch was digging into his cheek. He looked angry. He looked like Kuzuryu normally did. Nagito returned his gaze to his plate and smashed his fork into the puck of rice, watching goo spill out between the prongs. "To be able to be graced by your presence is an honor someone like me surely does not deserve."

Kuzuryu scoffed. "The only thing anyone doesn't deserve is your shit this early in the morning."

"It's nearly noon," Nagito replied brightly, sparing a glance at Kuzuryu.

"Anytime is too early for your bullshit, Nagito," Kuzuryu grinned. 

Nagito couldn't help but let a little smile slip past, which Kuzuryu smiled even brighter. He straightened his back and scooted his chair in, picking up his fork to begin eating. Nagito took that as a cue and returned to liquefying his cold meal.

Kuzuryu was usually the only one who ever sat at Nagito's end of the table. In their refurbished cafeteria, there was only four chairs to a table, and either out of solidarity or because they were used to sitting together, they pushed most of them together on the first day. A couple groups took a while before they joined the large table, but at this point, everyone sat at the makeshift long table. Nagito was the last one to join the table, and only did out of necessity, not out of invitation. One morning, a week or so ago, Nagito had come to breakfast to find that his table had been stuck to the end of the cluster. Kuzuyru and Pekoyama were sitting at the very far end of the long table, right next to where his table had been added. Nagito didn't say anything then, but both boys knew it was Kuzuyru's doing. Ever since then, Nagito sat at the head of the two by two table. At the one odd table that made the organized two by two uneven.

Kuzuryu didn't always sit with him. Most days he first sat at his primary seat with the rest of the class, eating and conversing with them. Then, after he got annoyed by them, he would join Nagito. If Nagito was the only one there when Kuzuyru finally pulled himself out of bed, he would always with with him. Somedays, though, Kuzuryu would just join him, much like today. They never talked though. They would just sit.

"So."

Nagito was surprised by the sudden word, and looked up at Kuzuryu to see if he had imagined it. Kuzuryu was not looking at Nagito, though. He just continued eating. Nagito was about to write it off when Kuzuryu spoke again.

"Are you going to tell me why you look like someone just shot Hinata?"

Nagito didn't know what to say. So he didn't. He just stared blankly at Kuzuryu, watching him eat.

After the silence stretched on too long for Kuzuryu's liking, he glanced up at Nagito for a second. "The last person just left. You can talk to me now." Nagito looked around. He was right, they were the only ones left here.

It still didn’t answer his question.

"About... what?"

Kuzuryu slammed his fork onto his tray and fixed Nagito with a frustrated glare. "You don't know? Really?"

Kuzuryu was nothing if not dramatic. Nagito shook his head and Kuzuryu let out a huge sigh and fell back into his seat. He rubbed his hands over his face and griped about how frustrating this was.

"You look fucking depressed as shit," Kuzuryu finally stated. "Are you going to tell me why or am I going to guess?"

"I'm not-"

"Did Hinata break up with you?"

Nagito's heart stopped and his mouth began to flap, searching for something to say. Kuzuryu waited patiently while Nagito fumbled to respond. "I, we, Hin... I'm not- we're not. We're not... dating."

Kuzuryu shrugged and resumed eating. "Doesn't bother me. I thought we were friends, you can tell me this kind of stuff. Did you guys have a fight? Is that why you broke up?"

"We weren't dating!" Nagito exclaimed indignantly.

"Then why does Hinata sleep in your room?" Kuzuryu smirked mischievously.

"Can you quit bringing that up?" Nagito sighed, slouching over his plate. He stabbed the mush viciously a few times before he continued. "We aren't sleeping together."

"You know, Peko and I fight sometimes," Kuzuryu mused, ignoring Nagito. "It's all apart of a relationship."

"We aren't in one." Nagito said through gritted teeth.

"If you truly care for the other person, though, you always go back to make things right. Save the relationship."

"There is no relationship to save!"

"There's no reason to ever break up over a fight if you're mutual love is enough-"

"Hajime doesn't love me!" Nagito nearly screamed, standing up abruptly. His chair was thrown back and fell to the floor with a clatter. He gripped the ends of the table to steady himself, but it did nothing to help. His chest was still heaving, his face red and twisted with pain, his legs shaky. Nagito felt tears begin to prick at his eyes, so he squeezed them shut. He refused to let them fall. "Hajime doesn't love me." Nagito repeated himself, quieter the second time.

Kuzuryu stayed silent. He probably knew better than to keep pushing.

Nagito breathed while Kuzuryu stood up to get his chair. He pushed it against the back of Nagito's knees, and Nagito collapsed into it.

Kuzuryu was the first one to break the silence. "You love him."

He said it so simply, so honestly, that it almost made Nagito need to cry again. Like it was a fact. Like it was something so true and real and not something Nagito had been pushing down, hiding, and denying for so long. It was something only someone else could say. He could never say it himself.

He couldn't be rejected if there was nothing to reject.

Nagito shook his head, his eyes still squeezed shut. He couldn't bring himself to verbally contradict Kuzuryu.

Kuzuryu sighed. "Nagito, I told you, it doesn't bother me. Yeah, you're annoying most of the time, but you're still my friend. You were my friend. You will always be that, no matter what happens or who you like. Just... please... be honest with yourself if not me."

"What do you want from me?" Nagito croaked, finally opening his eyes to stare at Kuzuryu. "You want me to say that you were right? Fine. **Yes, I admit it, you were right**. About everything. You were right."

"Nagito, that's not-"

"Then what?" Nagito yelled, slamming his hands on the table. His prosthetic clanged against the metal table, a loud reminder of what he did. "That I love him? That I can't sleep without him there? That I have nightmares about the horrible things I did?"

"We all did horrible things, Nagito, you weren't the only one," Kuzuryu said lowly.

"Yes, but that's not the point. You at least have something to give, to contribute. I have nothing. I'm sick, I'm pathetic, I'm nothing compared to him. I..." Nagito shook his head, chuckling. "All I have is really good and bad luck. I... I _hate_ who I am." Nagito swallowed, trying to compose himself. "If... if I don't... If I do not admit it..."

"Then you can pretend it's not real." Kuzuryu finished his sentence. "I can't... I can't help you with the rest of that... stuff..." Kuzuryu hesitated. "But I can give you some advice. I thought the same thing. I thought if I just pretended my feelings were not real, that they could never be hurt. But in the end, it ended up making it easier for me to fall into despair because I was already in it."

"It's not the same," Nagito shook his head. "You didn't deserve to hurt that way. I do."

"You really don't, Nagito. No one does."

Nagito didn't respond.

"Thank you for talking to me, Kuzuryu," Nagito finally said, standing up as he did so.

Kuzuryu nodded.

Before Nagito go to the door though, Kuzuryu stopped him.

"Fuyuhiko."

Nagito left the cafeteria, noting that he felt slightly better than when he entered.


	20. Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fictober 2019-Day 21  
> Prompt number: 21 "Change is annoyingly difficult."  
> Warnings: none  
> AU: Hinata/Kamukura stop Junko before despair  
> A/N: this (below) is part of the original note i posted and i thought it would be nice to have it here.  
> *A/N*: this is the last one for this series! i really had fun doing this lil run, even though it was challenging at times and it was super late almost all the time, i really enjoyed it :)

"You need to rest, asshole."

"Fuck you, fucking Reserve trying to tell me what to-"

"Call me a Reserve one more time and I will dump alcohol on your burn. Do not test me."

"Owada, please try to calm down," Kuzuryu chimed in. His words were light, but the threat was obvious in his eyes.

Owada just scoffed and settled back onto his mat, allowing Tamaki to move to the next student without having to worry about the pushy male trying to leave again.

Hajime watched the spat, sighing lightly. He continued his round, only pausing to wave at Kuzuryu. The blonde gave him a small nod before Tamaki called him over to help her redo someone's split stitches.

When he circled back around, he found Komaeda waiting at the door right where he had left him. Hajime felt something in him twist every time he saw the boy, but he was sure he had it under control now. Over these past few days, Komaeda was more annoying than charming, which he never thought could be possible. 

"They're still fighting Hinata-kun," Komaeda remarked with a smile.

Hajime shrugged and shouldered past Komaeda. He briskly entered the hallway, not waiting for Komaeda to follow. Hajime knew he would. And he did. Of course. It was ironic, really. Hajime used to follow Komaeda around, and now Komaeda dared not leave his side. It was hard at first, but Hajime grew used to his presence. It became normal. Comfortable. Like nothing had changed.

Everything else in this past week, though, had changed. Ever since the Ultimates blew up Hope's Peak, everything had been in a state of chaos. There was currently no government, no order, no anything. Chiaki kept urging him to claim the role, but he knew it wasn't for him. He wasn't a political figure. Against her wishes, he was arranging for an election, a new government. The Future Foundation. Someone to take it out of his hands. Everything.

Until then, he still lead what resembled a refugee camp. Students, varying in injuries and mindsets, crammed themselves in his small building. They came to him with all their problems, Reserves and Ultimates alike, and he gave them hope. Encouraged them. Told them it would get better.

And honestly, it was. Everything about the outside world was getting better, crime was going down, there were less untalented orphans, more people looking out for each other. It was like everyone sensed the shift.

Komaeda caught up to Hajime in no time, his long legs outdoing Hajime's smaller strides. He leaned over and into Hajime's view, smiling at him.

Hajime sighed and gave into his wordless request. "Yes, but they are fighting less."

Komaeda grinned. Hajime tore his eyes away from him. "Do you think they will ever stop?"

Did Hajime? If anyone else had been asking that question, he knew he would have to say yes without any hesitation. He had to. It was expected from him. He was Hinata Hajime. He was hope.

But with Komaeda... it was different. Komaeda didn't care about anything that was going on. He had his luck, and he knew it he could make it through. If he didn't, then he wasn't meant to. So Komaeda wasn't looking for a real answer. He was not asking a question. He was playing a game, and Hajime didn’t want to be apart of it.

"Yes, of course," Hajime stated blandly, shooting Komaeda a pointed look.

Komaeda's grin grew wider, and this time, Hajime couldn't look away. "You think they can change?"

"Yes, of course," Hajime repeated, his words as dry as the first time he said them.

"You think..." Komaeda's grin faltered, just for a millisecond. It was so quick, Hajime almost thought he imagined it. Almost. "You think _everyone_ can change?"

Hajime slowed to a stop and faced Komaeda. This was the first time Komaeda had brought up anything besides how much he sucked or about how the Ultimates were doing or about hope and despair.

This was the first time he asked about them.

Hajime knew the ball was in his court. He knew he had to say something amazing. The little bit of hope that burned deep within him was licking at his throat, flickers of flames trying to reach his head. He wanted to say yes, not because he had to have hope, but because he wanted to have hope. He wanted to believe that people could change, everything could change. They could... change.

" **Change is annoyingly difficult** ," Hajime began. He didn't know where to look, so his eyes darted everywhere. His hands, his shoes, Komaeda's hair, Komaeda's mouth, Komaeda's eyes- he stopped. Komaeda's eyes looked different. They didn't have their usual disconnected and apathetic glaze. They were worried. Concerned. Alive. He cared. His hope leaped from his heart to his mouth. "But as long as they are willing... as long as they have hope... anything is possible."

Komaeda smiled, nodded, then motioned for Hajime to continue walking.

Everything had changed, but Hinata had hope that it would be for the better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, and if you want more Komahina, I have another fic titled Firewalker you can check out if you want!


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